6 Hacks For Introverts To Master The Dating Scene


August 18th, 2019   |   Updated on June 27th, 2022

Being an introvert is hard sometimes! People inviting you out, saying yes because you’ve said no the past 7 times and secretly hoping the plans get cancelled.

It’s a lot of work! Being out around people can be draining, and having to come up with things to say can make anyone want to stay inside and read that new romance novel instead.

So what do you do when you consider yourself more introvert and the idea of going out on dates sounds painful? Check out some of these hacks and tips and start mastering your dating life!

1. Stick To Places You Know

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Going some place new might be a lot for the first date. Not knowing what to expect could have your defenses high and energy a little off.

Being in a familiar environment will help ease any anxiety and make you feel more relaxed. Try meeting up at your favorite coffee spot, a boost of caffeine wouldn’t hurt either! You can also invite your date to meet up with mutual friends on an outing.

Bonus: you’ll have your friends there for moral support and if the date goes sour, they can bail you out fast!

2. Keep It Short

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There’s no need to spend 5 hours together, especially if it’s a first date! Remember this is a marathon, not a race. It’s okay to let the person you’re dating know that you like to take things slow and get to know them.

Opt for a coffee date over dinner (that favorite coffee spot of yours is starting to look even better now!) Or you can try a small event that lasts for a couple hours.

Try going to an exhibit you’ve been wanting to see, and on the plus side, regardless if it’s good or bad, you’ll have more things to talk about!

3. Own Your Quirks And Make Some Mistakes!

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There’s nothing wrong with being an introvert! You don’t have to say yes to going to loud events or bars, this is part of getting to know each other.

When you’re setting up the date, let the other person know what you prefer. And don’t be afraid to fall on your face! Dating is practice and eventually you get better at it the more you try things and discover what you like and what you don’t like.

Someone told me once, “Instead of looking at it like you don’t want to make a mistake, or this could be the one… Try thinking instead, I’d make some mistakes with this person!” It took the pressure off and allowed me to have some (actual) fun on dates!

4. Find Your Hobbies

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Yes, reading is a hobby. But you can do that with other people now! Join a bookclub or discover some other fun activities you can do (with people).

This is a great way to meet a potential date who shares a similar interest! Join a dance class, volunteer at your local nursing home or children’s hospital, take up that painting class you’ve always wanted to try out.

You might not be the next Picasso, but who knows? Maybe that cute girl sitting next to you will take you out for a cup of coffee at your favorite coffee spot.

5. Focus On The Other Person

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As introverts, it’s really easy to get in our heads and stay there. When the focus is on ourselves, we can talk ourselves out of just about anything or start listening to the negative talk going on in there when we’re nervous.

If this starts happening, don’t worry! Look at the other person and think, “I’d like to get to know more about this person.” Taking the focus off of ourselves and seeing what we can discover about the person in front of us is a great way to ease the nerves and feel more comfortable.

Some other little Jedi mind tricks I’ve used are thinking “I wonder what he thinks about…” and asking a question. The other person has no idea what’s going on in our heads (thank the universe for that!)

6. Trust Your Gut


Introverts tend to be sensitive to energy and capable of picking up on minute details. It’s our superpower! Instead of fighting your instincts, trust them.

We naturally go inward so there’s nothing wrong with going in and seeing how this person makes you feel. After the date, feel free to journal your thoughts and see what comes up.

If this person made you feel extremely drained or like you had to keep digging in to your head to find things to talk about, this might not be the one for you.

If you found yourself laughing and feeling comfortable, go out on that second date and see what happens! Make some mistakes and have fun!

Dating is a great time to explore new things and discover more about yourself. Going out on that first date can be daunting for an introvert (or that 3rd or 4th one) but just by dressing up and walking out of your house, you’re already half way there.

Hopefully this gave you a few hacks to master the dating scene and not be afraid to meet new people and see what happens! Good luck out there!