4 Ways To Leave An Abusive Relationship


May 21st, 2021   |   Updated on February 13th, 2024

It’s never easy to end a relationship. It will be significantly more difficult if you have been estranged from family and friends, mentally abused, financially exploited, or physically threatened. Leaving an abusive relationship can be extremely difficult.

Victims of violence are frequently unaware they are being victimized, and are sometimes led to believe they are the ones at fault for what happened.

But everyone has a breaking point. When you are finally aware that you are being manipulated and emotionally abused, it’s best to leave as soon as you can.

If you are wanting to leave, do so quickly and cautiously to avoid escalation and aggression that could jeopardize your life.

And if you have the chance, don’t be afraid to seek assistance and utilize resources and networks that are readily available to you.

Here are the safest ways you can do to leave an abusive relationship successfully.

1. Stop Blaming Yourself

You are not responsible for the violence you have endured, nor are you liable for any of the damage you have sustained. Abusers will always attempt to convince you that you are to blame for their behavior; do not believe them.

You, like everyone else, have the right to safety, healing, and protection. If you have children, you and your children deserve a home free of aggression, coercion, and abuse.

By contemplating it, you are already taking the necessary steps to end your abusive relationship. This may not seem like practical advice, but being in the right mind frame is the first step towards leaving an abuser.

While you may feel fearful, alone, and unsure of what to do, know that there are people who would be willing to assist you in locating a safe place.

Once your mind is clear, you can make the right decisions and contact reliable authorities like family lawyers, friends, police, and family members to help you move on.

2. Get Access To A Phone

If you’re concerned that your abuser may overhear your conversations with others, you should use a separate device or phone.

Secure a burner phone in secret and use this to call for help. If there is no way for you to get quick access to a phone, you can go to a public library where you can gain access to a computer with an internet connection.

You can also try using a telephone booth to call for help. You could also borrow a computer or phone from a friend or neighbor.

Communicating with other people is a great starting point. Neighbors can sometimes sense that something is off, and they may even call protective services for you. Make contact with people in your life who can give you a sense of security.

These people can keep you safe and discourage you from returning to your abuser. Do not be ashamed to share your concerns with those who care about you.

3. Prepare For An Escape Route

This requires some careful preparation, but you can never predict what happens next. So, while biding your time, you can prepare extra measures that can help you make a quick exit whenever the time is right. For example, you can stash away some cash or have a spare car key with you so you can escape anytime.

Prepare an emergency bag with extra clothes, and keep copies of documents that can be of help once you’re out. Most importantly, write down a list of people and their numbers who you can call for help once you escape. Write them on a piece of paper and keep them in your emergency bag as well.

4. Lose Any Contact And Leave No Traces

Whether you planned or were forced to flee the toxic relationship in a panic, the most important thing to remember is to make sure that you stop any kind of contact with your abuser—even to their family or friends.

First, change your phone number immediately and avoid answering the phone unless the caller is someone you recognize.

Additionally, you may consider renting a post office box or have your mail forwarded to a friend or family member so the abuser cannot know your true location.

You may also want to change your hairstyle and hair color, then use an alias so it would be more difficult for your abuser to follow or recognize you in public spaces.


Domestic violence and brutality leave lasting scars. Escaping or leaving an abusive relationship is just the beginning of a new journey.

You may still be tormented by distressing thoughts, traumatic memories, or an overwhelming sense of impending doom.

On the other hand, you may experience numbness, disconnection, and an inability to trust anyone. Counseling, therapy, and support groups can assist you to navigate these experiences. In time, you will move on and learn how to develop better and healthier relationships.