1. Set boundaries and stick to them. Notice your own inner dialogue and behaviors.
Take responsibility for your reactions, if you stop liking yourself, it’s time to call yourself out and change the dance.
Know your deal breakers and set your boundaries and stick to them.
This can be hard but if one of your boundaries is, for example that you won’t tolerate the ‘disappearing act’ from a man, calmly say so, and if it happens again, ask yourself whether you’re worth more than that (you are).
2. Don’t ignore any unhappy feelings
If you feel sad, anxious or angry for more than 20 percent of the time, ask yourself why you’re staying and still playing?
Is this an old pattern and time to seek professional help in healing your unconscious wounds?
3. Practice self-love
Practice self-esteem exercises, self-love and self-nurture. When you look after yourself, you’re teaching the world your self worth.
4. Let out your inner child. Connect with your inner child. They’re vulnerable and needy of your reassurance and unconditional love.
They’ve been woken up by the hope of feeling known, valued and loved. Remember, it’s your job, not another person’s, to take care of your inner child.
You have to make yourself feel loved, cherished and totally accepted first.
5. Know all your red flags. Write down your red flags and stick to them. No exceptions!
You will become a genius at convincing yourself that their latest misdemeanor was just a ‘one off’, despite having enough evidence to compile a back catalog Elvis would be proud of.
If he starts to get critical of you or shows signs of having a temper, know that this kind of behavior often gets worse with time – not better.
6. ALWAYS be honest. Communicate honestly, talk openly and hear the dialogue from a place of self-respect.
Do not sell out. If they love you, he or she will see the best in you and welcome the opportunity to strengthen your authentic bond.
In a healthy relationship you will feel heard and significant, but remember no one should always be expected to compromise.
7. Keep the relationship balanced. Make sure your relationship investment is balanced between the two of you.
If they compromise on the movie you watch, you get to choose where you eat later. Regular reviews of your love landscape will help you stay in balance.
8. Stick to your boundaries. Own your behaviors.
Love addiction can turn the calmest creature into a hysterical mess. Put down clear boundaries for yourself as well as the other person.
Be an individual of integrity especially towards yourself. Do what you say, stick to your self-promises and be unapologetic for your self-compassion and acceptance.
One boundary might be that you always go to yoga/out with friends on Thursday nights and he tried to convince you to stop because that’s the night he wants to see you.
Ask yourself whether you really want to miss yoga or seeing your friends to see him or you’re just choosing that only to please him.
9. Define yourself. Remember, their behavior tells you who they are, it doesn’t define you.
Keep this golden nugget at the forefront of your mind.
All too often we’re inclined to hear ourselves think ‘He or she got mad and angry and out of control because I should have known better than to.’
10. Keep yourself well
In a healthy relationship we focus on keeping our own side of the street clean, no matter how messy theirs becomes. If that means therapy for you, do it.
11. Reflect in a journal every night. Be kind to yourself, you’re not perfect and nor do you need to be.
Simply end each day by writing three ways you ‘have made yourself proud today’. Be sure to write, not just think.
When you commit pen to paper you’re magnifying the impact of the positive focus. Practice daily by acknowledging your shifts, changes and growth.
Be specific, be objective, be ready to be the woman you’re proud to be.
12. Don’t be afraid to seek professional help. When a new relationship is demanding and stressful from the get-go, ask yourself honestly ‘What is my part in this dance?’
It can be difficult to untangle what’s ours and what’s theirs.
Own your part and allow them the space to own theirs. Relationships bring up our emotional wounding and provide a fertile ground for self-awareness and growth.
But we can’t see our own blind spots, so consider professional help from a love addiction specialist.
When our patterns and wounding are expertly illuminated we have an opportunity to change and consciously create a new relationship story.