Published on July 8th, 2017
We blame past failed relationships for emotional baggage that we have today —fear of heartbreak, wasted time, energy, and emotions. When relationships end with significant others or friends, we are often left wondering how to pick up the pieces. We turn to friends and family who offer kind messages and sage advice on how to move on with our lives, but there are overlooked lessons we forget about as we process our breakups.
There are 21 Relationship lessons learned on life that no one will tell you.
1. Forgiveness is the greatest gift to give yourself.
True forgiveness is one of the greatest gifts that we can give to ourselves because it means that we can let go of past hurts that impact the potential for present happiness.
2. Happy diversions are great, until they are not.
When a relationship ends, we may immerse ourselves in work, household projects, or hobbies.
3. It’s okay to lean on people.
You don’t have to be stoic, to go it alone. Call up a friend in tears. Put the word out to see if anyone can help you move apartments. It actually feels amazing to help other people out. The more everyone we open up and lean on each other, the stronger we will become collectively.
4. True love exists.
I am incredibly grateful to have found it. I have found the yang to my yin; body, mind and soul.
5. It doesn’t matter what other people think.
They don’t have to sleep in your bed at night, they don’t have to lay on your death bed swallowing your regrets. Maybe people will think your choices are amazing, maybe they will think you are crazy, maybe they will think it’s not what they would have done but they’ll love and support you anyway.
6. Give to give, not to receive.
There is something so beautiful about giving joyfully and unconditionally. To feel someone else’s happiness as your own. Think to yourself daily: I am so privileged to have this person in my life and I am going to jump on opportunities to make them smile, laugh and feel fulfilled.
7. Face problems and challenges with a team attitude.
It’s the You Guys vs. the Problem, not You vs. Your Partner. Remain a united front, and see the problem as a separate entitty ‘out there’ that you are both working to resolve.
8. Regret is a waste of energy and a misunderstanding of your path in life.
Mistakes are inevitable, you have to misstep to learn who you are. Don’t get caught up counting the days you lost. You have so many beautiful blank-page days ahead you can spend any way you like. Learn to let go.
9. You will survive.
And you will feel stronger. Because you have proven to yourself you can get through challenges, and you can rely on yourself.
10. It’s not too much to ask to find the right person.
In fact, it’s essential. They won’t be perfect, but they will be perfect for you.
11. There is a huge difference between comfortable silence and boredrom.
One is a sign of a beautiful, connected relationship. The other is a warning sign that something is off.
12. Spending time alone is amazing.
Get comfortable with your own company. If you don’t already, hang out alone and get to know yourself. It’s fundamental, not only to building a happy fulfilling relationship, but also to creating your dream life.
13. It’s better to be alone than with someone who makes you feel all alone.
When someone looks at you and sees what they want to see, and not who you really are, it is spirit-crushing. Find someone who really sees you, who gives you the freedom to be yourself, and who helps you flourish into the best brightest version of you.
14. Listen to your intuition.
If you have an inner voice that is persistently whispering to you, prodding you and trying to shake you awake, listen to it. You can trust it.
15. The worst decision you can make is no decision.
Living in indecisiveness eats away at your soul. You can’t move forward and create a new life; you can’t fully enjoy and focus on the present moment.
16. Over analysis is the enemy of progress.
When a relationship ends, we may spend countless hours dissecting countless situations in an attempt to discover what went wrong. Our minds act like detectives, revisiting scenes and hypothetical situations to find clues and witnesses that attest to what caused the relationship’s end.
17. Relationships are only one aspect of a full, beautiful, satisfying life.
There are so many other sections in your beautiful life pie – your friendships, your passions, your livelihood. There are many roads that lead to the same destination: happiness and fulfilment. You can feel incredibly content without a relationship, or while you are waiting to find the right one.
18. Your identity is not dependent on your partner.
Your worth is not contingent on being somebody’s wife, girlfriend, husband, fiance, boyrfriend or lover. It’s simply one role you play in life. Your spirit, your incredible value to the Universe doesn’t change based on external factors like whether you have a partner, a house or a “successful” career.
19. Healing is not a linear process.
The end of a relationship brings with it a spectrum of feelings where our emotions go from grief to relief, sadness to joy, and anger to excitement.
20. You may relapse, and that is okay.
After we break off a relationship, we may vow to never see the other person again, and throw away mementos and keepsakes that remind us of him or her.
21. Remember the good, and not just the bad and ugly.
Thinking about a failed relationship often causes us to recall how it ended and not how it began, or we focus on the other person’s negative qualities rather than appreciating the good ones.