Lifestyle

50 Funny Puns That Will Crack You Up In Five Seconds Flat

Funny Puns

Published on November 14th, 2019

1. What Do You Call A Dinosaur With One Eye?

A do-you-think-he-saur-us.

 

2. Did You Hear About The Negative Nelly Who Hates German Sausage?

He always fears the wurst.

 

3. What Do You Call A Goat That Acts Immaturely?

A silly billy.

 

4. How Does An Attorney Sleep?

First he lies on one side, then he lies on the other.

 

5. What Do You Call A Super Articulate Dinosaur?

A Thesaurus.

 

6. What Superlative Did Robert E. Lee Win In High School?

Most likely to secede!

 

7. Why Do Math Teachers Make Good Dancers?

Because they have algorithm.

 

8. What Do A Bowling Ball And A Blonde Have In Common?

Chances are they’ll both end up in the gutter.

 

9. You Know What Really Bugs Me?

Insect puns.

 

10. I Tried To Sue The Airline For Losing My Luggage.

I lost my case.

 

11. What Do You Call A Girl With An Hourglass Figure?

A complete waist of time.

 

12. My Leaf Blower Doesn’t Work.

It just sucks!

 

13. Need An Ark?

I Noah guy.

 

14. Did You Hear About The Guy Whose Whole Left Side Was Cut Off?

He’s all right now.

 

15. How Does Moses Make Coffee?

Hebrews it.

 

16. I’m Super Friendly With 25 Letters Of The Alphabet.

I just don’t know why.

 

17. How Did The Native Americans Get To America First?

They had reservations.

 

18. How Many Tickles Does It Take To Make An Octopus Laugh?

10-tickles.

 

19. Why Was King Arthur’s Army Too Tired To Fight?

All of those sleepless knights.

 

20. How Do Turtles Communicate With Each Other?

With shell phones.

 

21. How Do You Invite A Dinosaur For Lunch?

Tea, Rex?

 

22. What Do You Call Someone Who Tells Too Many Dinosaur Jokes?

A dino-bore.

 

23 . What Kind Of Cats Like To Go Bowling?

Alley cats.

 

24. I’ve Got A Phobia Of Over-engineered Buildings.

It’s a complex complex complex.

 

25. Napoleon May Not Have Designed The Coat He Wore…

But he did have a hand in it.

 

26. What Kind Of Tea Did The American Colonists Want?

Liberty.

 

27. I Just Had A Near-sex Experience…

My whole wife flashed before my eyes.

 

28. Who Invented King Arthur’s Round Table?

Sir Cumference.

 

29. Why Did The Mathematician Work From Home?

Because he could only function in his domain.

 

30. I Accidentally Went To Bed With My Contact Lenses In The Other Night.

My dreams have never been clearer.

 

31. There Was A Kidnapping At School Yesterday.

Don’t worry, though—he woke up.

 

32. I’m Positive I Just Lost An Electron.

Better keep an ion that.

 

33. I Started A Company Selling Land Mines Disguised As Prayer Mats.

Prophets are going through the roof.

 

34. What’s So Great About Whiteboards?

If you think about it, they’re pretty re-markable!

 

35. I Went To See The Liberty Bell The Other Day.

It’s not all it’s cracked up to be.

 

36. I Like Bowling.

Seriously, it’s right up my alley.

 

37. I Wanted To Learn To Drive A Stick Shift.

Thing is, I couldn’t find a manual.

 

38. What Do You Call Children Who Are Born In A Whorehouse?

Brothel sprouts.

 

39.What Did The Mermaid Wear To Math Class?

An algae-bra.

 

40. Is Your Ipad Making You Fall Asleep?

I can help—there’s a nap for that.

 

41. Will Glass Coffins Be A Success?

Remains to be seen.

 

42. The Male Pig Puts Everyone To Sleep.

You might say he’s quite a boar.

 

43. Where Do Robots Go For Fun?

The circuits.

 

44. What Do You Call A Turtle Who Takes Up Photography?

A snapping turtle.

 

45. What Happened When The Semi-colon Broke Grammar Laws?

He was given two consecutive sentences.

 

46. What Do You Call A Royal Goat Wearing Denim?

Billy Jean King.

 

47.What Do You Call A Goat That’s Lazy?

Billy Idle.

 

48. The Guy Who Invented Throat Lozenges Died Last Week.

There was no coffin at the funeral.

 

49. I Knew A Mathematician Who Couldn’t Afford Lunch.

He could binomial.

 

50. I Went To The Costume Party As A Turtle.

I had a shell of a time.

Source :Thoughtcatalog.com,