Published on January 22nd, 2021
Single people will never understand the tensions about household chores. These 20 funny tweet about cleaning perfectly sum up what it’s like to be married.
husband: *mopping up pools of blood from the kitchen floor*
me: *walks in* OH MY GOD
husband: babe, I can explain-
me: you’re cleaning 🥰
— Sassparilla (@Megatronic13) June 12, 2019
My wife needs 6 bags for a weekend trip but can fit 6 weeks of garbage and a couch into a single bag to avoid emptying the kitchen trash.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) June 8, 2017
I appreciate my husband cleaning before we have guests coming over but he always cleans the weirdest shit. Our kitchen will look like a tornado blew through but instead of putting shit away this dude will be up in the attic scrubbing the walls like “iT hAs To Be CLeAn eMiLy”
— motherducker (@houseandhens) February 3, 2019
“You don’t load the dishwasher right,” I said to my wife just before it permanently became my job.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) May 6, 2019
I opened the dishwasher and it’s full of clean dishes and I’m scared my wife is going to know that I know.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 21, 2017
“BUT YOU NEVER REMEMBER THE TIME I CLEANED THE KITCHEN”
~Husbands in every argument
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) October 19, 2019
Marriage is basically cleaning the kitchen and then walking away for 2 seconds and then coming back and seeing the kitchen is destroyed again and getting super annoyed over and over again until you die.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) February 22, 2020
Wife: Wanna have sex?
Me: Mehhh, I dunno if I’m feeling it tonight
Wife: *Sends pic of a clean, empty sink*
Me: Your ass better be in that bed in 2 minutes.
— Lezz Mom🌈 (@lezzimomof2) March 7, 2020
*wife runs back into our house which is on fire*
What are you doing!?
W: I just want to straighten up a little before the firemen get here
— The Cre Master (@Jmboyd58) April 5, 2017
Me: *just finished cleaning toilets*
Husband: can I pee in our bathroom?
Me: you can pee outside
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) July 4, 2020
Female Astronaut: [on historic first all-female space walk]
Husband [texting from Earth]: hey where do we keep the dishwasher detergent
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 18, 2019
Me: Well, this calls for a celebration *cracks open beer*
Wife: …you took out the trash
— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) July 10, 2018
[aliens invading our home]
Wife: TAKE OFF YOUR SHOES, I JUST VACUUMED
— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) March 12, 2019
My husband and I have this rule that whoever opens the clean dishwasher has to unload it. It’s been full since 1995.
— Jingle Bell Jawbreaker 🎄 (@sixfootcandy) November 7, 2019
I write fake chores on my to-do list just to scribble them out, then my husband thinks I do more.
— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) April 24, 2018
Wife: What are you wearing?
Me: Just my underwear 😉
Wife: So you still haven’t done the laundry?
ME: No I have not
— Abam (@AdamBroud) April 22, 2016
Can’t wait for my wife to get home and see how clean the bathtub is! Not sure why people told me my 30s would be boring.
— lucy bexley ☕️🚕🍪📼 (@bexley_lucy) September 13, 2020
Pretty sure my wife’s memoir would be called: “Oh my god, just take the extra 2 seconds and put it in the dishwasher.”
— Tired Dad of 2 (@Tired_Dad_of_2) September 16, 2019
Husband: *eating chips on the couch in his underwear* I told you I was about to do that.
— Jingle Bell Jawbreaker 🎄 (@sixfootcandy) March 3, 2020
If I ever want my husband to shave I just clean the bathroom.
— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) October 15, 2019