Published on September 18th, 2018
When you’re dealing with a break up it’s easy to get mired down in bad feelings. You’ve got a broken heart, you’re angry and you feel completely rejected by someone who claimed to love and care about you.
It hurts, and it’s necessary to feel that pain when dealing with a break up. But it’s all too easy to never quite get past it.
It’s okay to feel sad, depressed, lonely and even feel sorry for yourself for a while. But don’t let your ex boyfriend or girlfriend ruin your self-confidence and self-esteem.
They did not want to remain in a relationship with you, that’s all it means. It says nothing about you, it’s all about them. It’s all too easy to start thinking things like you’re not smart, funny, pretty or sexy enough for them, so maybe the fault lies with you.
Don’t let yourself think this way! It’s a big lie! If your ex said any of those things to you in anger, that’s just what it was. They were lashing out in anger and pain to try to hurt you. Don’t let it!
When you’re dealing with a break up there are already so many bad feelings there that adding in feelings of inadequacy will only make you feel worse.
And you’ll feel bad for a longer period of time. It can even sabotage your other relationships if you truly start to feel badly about yourself.
If you already have low self-confidence or self-esteem, these kinds of feelings will only send you spiraling down into a real mess of emotions.
You have to understand that rejection is part of life, and just because one person rejects you it doesn’t mean that you’re unworthy of love and affection from other people.
If you feel at all like you’re unworthy or that inadequacies that you have are why you’re now dealing with a break up, try reading a couple of books about relationships and how to make them work.
Read about how to be a more giving part of a couple. Even if you’re not the one at fault, it never hurts to learn more about relationships. You might learn some tips and gain some insight that can help your next relationship.
Next, try reading a book or two about how to gain self-confidence and self-esteem. The things you learn in those books won’t just help your next relationship but they’ll help you in every aspect of your life.
If you’re feeling badly about yourself from dealing with a break up, you need to read things like that to build yourself back up and help you get over it.
Read motivational books about self-confidence and personal power and really practice the tips they give to help you feel more comfortable with yourself.
And if there’s something about yourself that you’re really not happy about, and it’s something that’s bothered you for a long time, then change it.
1. Cry All You Want
Let the tears flow, it’s healthy you are releasing grief and pain. You may be afraid to start because you’re fearful you’ll never stop, but you will.
2. Do Something Everyday To Help Yourself Heal
Exercise, read, watch some self-help TV/DVD’s, learn to meditate and never underestimate the power of positive prayer. Pick things that you know will be fun or beneficial and do them. Don’t wait for the mood to come over you, take one action and then take another.
3. Stay Present
Instead of dealing with the current state of the relationship, we sometimes tend to keep replaying the past, looking for answers that can’t always be found, or mentally create future situations that allow us to (temporarily) escape the pain.
Depending on my mood, we would either analyze various scenes from our relationship, searching for any type of clue as to why things ended, or imagine a future in which we both realized the error of our ways and ended up happily married (with children).
However, focusing on the past and future forces us to stay stuck in an endless loop of pain and confusion, and prolongs the healing process. Stay present in the moment and allow the emotional wounds to heal naturally.
4. Don’t Be A Doormat
If your soon-to-be-ex continues to call you or simply won’t go away (or move out) tell them you can’t heal with them around and ask them to keep their distance. If they are harassing or threatening you it is best to call law enforcement for information and advice.
5. Keep Busy
If you wake up early take a walk, go out to breakfast or do something around the house. Try a little “retail therapy” (go shopping) or enjoy the decadence of going to a movie in the middle of the day.
Many businesses allow their staff to take “mental health days” if needed. If you can’t sleep do the crossword puzzle, read or watch TV. Don’t sit in your room and ruminate, you have to free your mind so your heart can heal.
6. Don’t Try To Mask Your Pain By Trying To Find A Replacement
We all know the term “rebound relationship” these happen when we (unconsciously) use another person to fill the gap that’s been created by the ending of a relationship.
These transitional connections can feel healing in the short term, but if you don’t process your pain appropriately you will not be able to be in a fully committed partnership.
7. Don’t Spend Too Much Time Alone
Hang out with friends or make new ones, go to coffee with someone you can talk to, volunteer in your community. You will need time alone, but if you isolate yourself you won’t be able to fully process your feelings or get the support you need to heal.
8. Trust Your Feelings
Even if you were taken by surprise by the breakup, your inner voice is telling you something. Listen carefully and you will hear that it will all be OK. You just have to let your feelings guide you.
9. Take Your Time
Don’t rush out and buy a new car or move to a new home or another town. Major changes like those are merely a way of avoiding your feelings. Believe that with a little time, patience and support you will feel better and find love again.
10. Learn Love’s Lesson
Even though it’s difficult to accept that the relationship has ended, I have still gained invaluable information from the experience that I may not have received otherwise.
I am better able to recognize what I need in a relationship and to communicate those needs to others. Also, I’ve found the courage to face some of the issues that floated to the surface in the process of opening myself up to another person.
Yes, sometimes the lessons hurt—and like hell. But learning is an important part of the healing process. No relationship, no matter how negative it may seem, can be considered a “failure” if you have grown as a result of the experience.
If you’re open to it, each relationship offers the potential for spiritual growth and evolution. Rest in the knowledge that while you’re learning love’s lessons in preparation for your future mate, he or she is being prepared for you, too.