Updated on August 29th, 2019
If you think back to your first time, there are hundreds of little details that – if you’d known back then – could’ve made things about one million percent less awkward. And we’re not even exaggerating.
The whole process of losing your virginity can be nerve-wracking, embarrassing and if you don’t end up wanting to erase the whole thing from your memory then you’re doing incredibly well.
Those who don’t have sex during their teen years are in the minority, but the reasons for—and effects of—waiting differ for everyone.
1. It Will Be Short – No Pun Intended
The first time you do it will be really short because of the plethora of stimuli that you will be overloaded with. Well, not to worry! Sip some water and prepare yourself for round two!
2. It Might Not Be ‘Perfect’
Movies have always painted vivid pictures of how perfect your ‘first time’ would be. But this is real life and nothing is like the movies, except the bad parts. And you know what? It’s perfectly normal to be a little awkward/ uncomfortable with your body.
3. Sex Can Be Really Uncomfortable!
Since it’s such a new experience for the body, it almost always is a little uncomfortable the first few times. Your back might hurt, your mouth might go dry, and God help you if you try to pull an adult film inspired move because there’s a reason it’s done by the professionals!.
4. There Are A Lot Of Weird Sounds
The noises! Sex can make the weirdest noises and no matter how prepared you are for the feel of it, the sound of it can be pretty damn odd sometimes.
5. It’s Nothing Like The Adult Movies
Adult movies are like the ‘Sharmaji’s Son’ of sex. It’ll set impossibly high standards for you! Just be yourself and go with what you feel like.
6. It Doesn’t Have Necessarily Have To Be Painful
There you go! Your biggest fear is actually a myth. A lot of pain is caused because of nervousness and muscular tension. Indulge in a lot of foreplay and ease into it.
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7. Nothing Changes
No, you won’t ‘feel like a different person’, nor can people tell you are having sex ‘just by looking at you.’ It’s just another event in a life filled with so many exciting milestones! Literally nothing changes once you’ve lost your virginity.
8. That Whole “Popping The Cherry” Thing Is Mostly A Myth.
Not every vagina bleeds like a stab wound the first time you have sex. “Some women don’t notice any bleeding at all, but it is true that some women bleed a lot,” sex researcher Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., author of Because It Feels Good, tells BuzzFeed Life. This comes from tearing the hymen, which is basically just tissue inside the vagina.
9. Along Those Lines, A “Hymen Check” Is Really No Way To Determine Virginity
Again, different people have different amounts of hymenal tissue, and some are thinner, worn away, or filled with fewer blood vessels than others. Plus, that tissue can tear from a variety of things, like physical activity, masturbation, fingering, etc.
10. It Doesn’t Have To Hurt.
If your first time involves penetration, a little pain or pressure might be expected. That said, it should still be overall pleasurable — not painful. So if it hurts a lot, stop. This could be a signal that you need more foreplay or lubrication.
11. Getting Properly Warmed Up Is A Must.
When you know you’re finally going to have sex, most people skip over all the other stuff to get to the main event. Don’t do this. If your goal is vaginal or anal sex, make sure to rack up a few other activities before you go there. Research shows that the more sexual behaviors you engage in, the easier it is for both men and women to orgasm during a hookup.
12. Lube Will Make Everything So Much Better.
The experts cannot suggest this enough. Lube is not just for older folks who can’t get wet on their own. We promise. A little extra slickness will help everything feel smoother and more pleasurable — no matter what’s going in where. And especially if you feel any pain while trying penetration for the first time.
13. Having An Orgasm Should Not Be The Goal.
Yes, orgasms are fantastic, but don’t just focus on when/how/if you’re going to get there. “Getting to know one another’s bodies is as much a part of the sexual experience as orgasm,” says Mark. “Being able to learn what your partner likes and doesn’t like is part of the fun.” It can take some people literally years before they figure out how to orgasm with another person, so don’t expect it to happen right off the bat.
14. If You Have A Vagina, You Probably Won’t Have An Orgasm The First Time Around.
Fifty Shades of Grey lied to you. Unfortunately, research shows that women are just less likely to orgasm during sex than men. That said, there are a few things you can do to increase your chances, like having sex with a familiar partner, engaging in lots of foreplay, and not just focusing on penetration.
15. You’re More Likely To Have An Orgasm If You And Your Partner Are More Familiar With Each Other — Physically And Emotionally.
Research shows you’re more likely to orgasm in a relationship than in a hookup situation — whether it’s your first time or your 50th time having sex. But losing your virginity in particular is one of those times that the right partner can make a huge difference.
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16. If You Have A Penis, You Might Come Really, Really Quickly.
And that’s totally fine. It’s your first time inside a vagina/mouth/anus, so it’s exciting stuff going on here. But don’t try to stave off an orgasm by thinking about baseball or grandparents or something. Focus on being in the moment and on your partner’s needs, and don’t worry so much about when you’ll come, says Mark.
17. Erectile Dysfunction Doesn’t Just Happen To Old Dudes, So Don’t Freak Out If It Happens To You.
Boners don’t always cooperate, and that doesn’t mean you’re broken or you’re horrible in bed. The important thing to know is that this can happen to anyone with a penis (regardless of your age), and that pressure and nerves can definitely play a role.
18. You Can Definitely Get Pregnant The Very First Time You Have Sex.
Sadly, there are no free passes for virgins. If your first time involves a penis ejaculating inside a vagina, you can absolutely get pregnant, says Herbenick. So before you lose your virginity, think about what kind of birth control you’ll use to protect against pregnancy.
19. You Should Definitely Still Use A Condom.
If not for pregnancy protection, then for STIs — yes, even if you’re both virgins, says Herbenick. Here’s why: People lie. OK, that was a little harsh, but really, there’s always a chance that someone isn’t being totally honest when they say they’ve never had sex before or they’ve only had sex with another virgin or whatever.
20. Whatever You Do, Don’t Try To Copy What You Saw In Porn.
All that violent thrusting and those acrobatic positions aren’t actually things that everyone enjoys, especially not your first go around. “It takes a while to figure out how to do that in a way that feels good,” says Herbenick. Accept that you’re new to this and you’re still exploring, and have fun with that.
21. Think Of Masturbation As Practice For The Real Thing.
It would be a little hypocritical to expect someone to know what feels awesome for you when you don’t even know it yet. “It’s helpful — for women especially — before partnered sex to have an orgasm through masturbation.