Published on December 1st, 2020
Parenting is one of the most challenging but rewarding tasks. At times, it can also be very funny, because you don’t how your kids will react to your own suggestions. Here are 20 funny but totally relatable parenting tweets that will make you laugh out loud.
My wife wanted to climb the tree in our front yard to hang Christmas lights, but my toddler cried and begged her not to so she wouldn’t get hurt. It’s was a warm, caring moment that showed how much she loves her mom. Moments later, she suggested I climb the tree instead.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) November 23, 2020
My daughter asked me what it’s like to be a parent, so I followed her around asking, “why?” over and over until she started crying.
— яicку (@iinkedZombie) November 9, 2020
Me: this day is stressing me…I need a drink.
3yo: here ya go dad *hands me his milk*
Me: got anything stronger?
3yo: yep! MOM CAN YOU GET DAD A CHOCOLATE MILK
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) November 3, 2020
Kid: if lemonade has lemons in it, then does Powerade have powers in it?
Me: *sipping a Gatorade* I sure hope not
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) November 13, 2020
When do kids firmly grasp the concept of time? When referring to last week, my four year old says, “a yesterday that happened a long time ago.”
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) November 10, 2020
One day when my teenager was upset I said “It is what it is,” and now he says it to me every time I’m upset and, oh wow, it does not feel good
— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) November 10, 2020
My 7yo drew a self portrait, gifted it to herself, and hung it up on her wall. From now on, I’m making her my life coach.
— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) November 17, 2020
when I’m having a bad day as a parent, I just remind myself that plenty of animals won’t hesitate to eat their kids, so really I’m in gold star territory
— Village Person (@SvnSxty) November 2, 2020
My daughter’s favorite hobby is pointing out how moms in TV shows and movies react to their kids’ bad behavior in a nicer way than I would have.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) November 10, 2020
I watched my toddler eat a grilled cheese buck naked tonight, just buck ass naked eating a grilled cheese sandwich because he wanted to.
Someday, I’m gonna be just like him.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) November 25, 2020
My 12yo son said “what the poop” I’m going to have to teach him to cuss so he doesn’t sound so lame
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) November 11, 2020
My son is learning morse code just so he can fart secret messages.
— Marl (@Marlebean) November 10, 2020
I’m not saying my 4yo is an optimist, but while putting groceries away he held up a bag of cookies and said “I’ll just keep these in my room, ok?”
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) November 23, 2020
To entice my 3yo to poop in the toilet, we told him he gets a Kinder egg if he does it
He now poops in small deposits multiple times a day and asks for the chocolate each time
He’s a genius
— Kids_kubed ???????? (@Kids_kubed) November 4, 2020
Two of my kids are now following me on Twitter so this account will now be all tweets about abstinence and how to become financially independent
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 18, 2020
My toddler gave me his Christmas list and it’s ridiculous. Like a majority of this stuff sounds completely made up. “Robot crab that transforms”? Why would anything like that even exist?
I wonder if he’d like that crab in red or blue
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) November 18, 2020
I’m having trouble being mad at my 8 y.o., whose teacher let me know that while he was supposed to be taking a standardized reading test he was on Google reviewing The Peanuts Movie.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) November 9, 2020
I regularly mix up my kids names and my dogs names, but yes please put me in charge of their education this year
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) November 19, 2020
Until I became a parent I had never heard a human cry because they bumped their head on the roof of a blanket fort
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) November 16, 2020
Taking my son on his second college tour tomorrow.
They don’t let you into the buildings so it’s mainly just walking around saying “Now picture yourself passed out near that bush” or “Imagine yourself throwing up out of that window”
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 9, 2020