Quotes

51 Hilarious Love Quotes That Perfectly Describe Your Crazy Relationship

Love

Published on December 13th, 2018

1. Romance is the icing, but love is the cake.

the cake.

 

2. “Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner.” — Jerry Seinfeld

 

3. “I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself.” — Johnny Carson

 

4 “Marry a man your own age; as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.” — Phyllis Diller

 

5. Real love amounts to withholding the truth, even when you’re offered the perfect opportunity to hurt someone’s feelings. – David Sedaris

 

6. “Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow Internet service to see who they really are.” — Will Ferrell

 

7. A kiss without a mustache is like an egg without salt. – Spanish Proverb

 

8. Don’t make love by the garden gate, love is blind but the neighbors ain’t.

 

9. If love is a blunder, then it means that the biggest fault in my life is loving you

 

10. Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. – Albert Einstein

 Love

 

11. Love is a mutual self-giving which ends in self-recovery. – Fulton J. Sheen

 

12. I want to be the reason when you look down on your phone, you’ll have this goofy smile in your face and jump up and down like a silly little girl, and then fall down a manhole.

 

13. You will always be my 11:11 and the name I write in my naughty list.

 

14. Stop waiting for your prince in a white horse. Go and find him. The poor bastard might be lost, stuck in an island or something.

 

15. Love doesn’t make the world go round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile. – Franklin P. Jones

 

16. A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.

 

17. You add meaning to my life and yet, you subtract some cash from my wallet.

 

18. You are the cause why my eyeglasses fog.

 

19. Love is the only kind of fire which is never covered by insurance.

 

20. Love is blind but marriage is a real eye-opener. – Pauline Thomason

Dating Mistakes You Are Making

 

21. A man falls in love through his eyes, a woman through her ears. – Les Dawson

 

22. I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough. – Russell Brand

 

23. Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in. – Richard Jeni

 

24. Obviously, if I was serious about having a relationship with someone long-term, the last people I would introduce him to would be my family. – Chelsea Handler

 

25. There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments. – Chris Rock

 

26. My wife gets all the money I make. I just get an apple and clean clothes every morning. – Ray Romano

 

27. My phone battery lasts longer than most of my relationships nowadays.

 

28. You can’t put a price tag on love. But if you could, I’d wait for it to go on sale. – Hussein Nishah

 

29. We’re like Romeo & Juliet.. Except for the dying part of course. – Justina

 

30. They say that love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?

Love Quotes For Him

 

31. Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in. – Richard Jeni

 

32. If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question? – Lilly Tomlin

 

33. . Love is being stupid together. – Paul Valery

 

34. The happiest marriage I can picture would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman. – Coleridge

 

35. I kissed my first girl and smoked my first cigarette on the same day. I haven’t had time for tobacco since. – Arturo Toscanini

 

36. I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the time he killed himself. – Johnny Carson

 

37. “I’m now making a Jewish porno film. Ten percent sex, 90 percent guilt.” — Henny Youngman?

 

38. “If you can stay in love for more than two years, you’re on something.” — Fran Lebowitz

 

39. “Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.” — Billy Crystal

 

40. “I love being married. It’s so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.” — Rita Rudner

Love

 

41. “Love is a lot like a backache: it doesn’t show up on X-rays, but you know it’s there.” — George Burns

 

42. “I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.” — Jack Benny

 

43. “Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.” — Jackie Mason

 

44. “Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.” — Unknown

 

45. “There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.” — Chris Rock

 

46. “I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.” — Groucho Marx

 

47. “Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in.” — Richard Jeni??

 

48. “If you text ‘I love you’ to a person and the person writes back an emoji — no matter what that emoji is, they don’t love you back.” — Chelsea Peretti

 

49. Love is like a headache or a backache. It does not show in the MRI or X-ray, but you just know that it’s there.

 

50. Love with old men is as the sun upon the snow, it dazzles more than it warms. – J. P. Senn

 

51. Love is the answer, but while you’re waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. – Woody Allen