Published on March 14th, 2019
Deciding on divorce can be difficult, especially if the marriage has lasted for a long time. But sometimes this is the only way out of a crisis relationship.
But how to understand that everything is really finished and there is no chance to improve the situation? How to know if you should divorce? Below is a list of the main problems that suggest that the marriage is irretrievably broken. Carefully read the list and compare it with your marriage.
If you have a lover for a long time or if your spouse is cheating you, this is a very disturbing symptom. What we talk about is not an intrigue on the side or a single act, meaning that cheating is systematic and a spouse who cheats is not going to stop.
This suggests that the one who gets some action on the side is obviously missing something in your relationship and is trying to satisfy this need with someone else.
Adultery is always a bad sign for both spouses and destroys the marriage, even if the partner who is being cheated does not know about betrayal yet.
In many states, adultery is considered as a legal ground for ending a marriage. So if you ask yourself when it’s time for divorce, be sure the time has already come.
2. Abuse Or Irreconcilable Anger
If you are a victim of physical, mental or sexual abuse from a spouse, then you need to run away from this person as soon as possible! This behavior is unforgivable under any circumstances! People are not things and not somebody’s property; each human is a person who has his rights and deserves respect for his boundaries.
No one has the right to be violent towards another person, this is taboo. Such actions are a direct threat to the life of the victim.
Moreover, if there are children in the family, they should be protected from the tyrant parent so that they will not be subjected to violence from his side. And if you asking yourself in this case “should I get a divorce?” The answer is definitely yes!
If you have noticed that you are constantly angry with your spouse, this is also a signal that not everything is in order in a relationship. If you experience this feeling all the time, then sooner or later it will grow into physical abuse. So it is better to prevent than to regret what you have done.
3. Too Much Negative Interactions
Many believe that serious conflicts destroy marriage. But the danger lies in the trivia. Perhaps you and your spouse do not have big differences, but if there are too many negative interactions between you, even on not serious issues, this is a reason to reflect on the relationship.
Psychologists say that a happy marriage should be based on positive interactions, in other words, at least five positive interactions should fall into one negative interaction.
When there is much more negative and it lasts for years, there is a chance to reach the point of no return without the ability to improve marriage union.
4. You Do Not Want To Be Close To Your Spouse
You began to delay at work, spend more time with friends or somewhere outside the home just not to intersect with your spouse. You feel uncomfortable with this person; his or her society oppresses you.
This is a clear sign that relationships are crumbling with great force. Maybe you both just became too different, you have diverse goals and desires.
This is normal, it happens in life because different circumstances may affect the couple and its future together, but there is no need to torture each other by being in an annoying marriage. Couples who faced this situation simply separated and went ahead with convenient to each partner road.
5. You Live Like Roommates
For a long time, you behave like neighbors. There are no more tenderness and passion in your relationship.
You can even sleep in different bedrooms, and there are no sexual contacts between you for a long time, for various reasons: maybe you just don’t want it or due to some medical problems. By the way, in some states impotence is a legal reason for divorce.
But in any case, the lack of closeness speaks about psychological problems as well; you no longer want to touch your partner, you are not worried about where he is and what is happening to him. All this indicates that you have become strangers to each other.
6. You Are Not Happy Anymore
A good relationship is when the partners feel comfortable with each other and they are happy. Of course, there are quarrels and disagreements among all, even among the most ideal couples, however, an indicator of strong and healthy relationships is that the spouses are satisfied with their marital life.
If you have been suffering for a long time, your spouse annoys you, you do not feel loved and happiness has long ago left your couple, then it can be said that things are going badly.
In addition, doctors say that a prolonged state of depression, when a person does not feel happy, leads to various health complications and chronic diseases.
So, love yourself, do everything to avoid serious illnesses, in the end maybe it is time to make you happy and finish the depressing relationships.
7. Trust Your Intuition
There are people who turn to divorce specialists or collect relevant information even before they decided to dissolve the marriage.
And all this happens for a reason, the inner voice says that you need to change the current state of things in your life. Your intuition can tell you a lot about what the brain is afraid to understand.
If you saw the advertisement of a divorce lawyer or any divorce services and focused your attention on this, then everything is not going well in your relationship and your subconscious mind is already looking for ways to solve the situation.
8. You Do Not See A Future Together With Your Spouse
Look at yourself in 5 years, in 10. How do you want to see your future? This can be a success in social life, promotion or moving to a dream house.
And what about your spouse, is he around? Does he fit into your beautiful life? Will you be able to achieve all this if he will be near? If the answer is no, then what’s the point of continuing this relationship? The essence of the relationship is to make partners feel comfortable with each other so that they can together achieve their goals and implement plans.
If you want a good life and work for this day and night, and your spouse lies on the sofa all day long and watches TV or constantly drinks with friends, then you are clearly not on the way. And maybe even this man is the ballast in your life, who interferes with achieving all that you are dreaming about.
9. You Live Together Just For The Children
When common children are the only thing that binds spouses, everyone suffers husband, wife, and children as well. Such relationships are not healthy and, moreover, children feel sore about in them even more than if parents were divorced.
Children who were raised in such a family, growing up, do not understand how to create a proper and strong relationship, because they did not have before their eyes the example of happy parents.
And spouses, being in such a relationship, suppress their desires, which leads to various nervous diseases. It is foolish to destroy the life of the whole family when it’s time for divorce.
10. Therapy Does Not Help
Perhaps therapy is the last step that spouses make in order to save their marriage. It aims to help the couple overcome the crisis and improve their relations.
If you go to a specialist it seems like you perfectly understand the problems of your marriage. And it’s good if therapy can help you. But if you have been attending classes for a long time, and there is no result, then this is a clear sign that the end has finally come.
Perhaps next to you is simply the wrong person that you need, and this does not mean that you or he are bad people. You are just too different and that’s all. And if you break up, both have a chance to meet good partners and build lives.
What To Do?
If at least half of the above points are in your relationship, then this is clear evidence of serious marriage problems and bright signs it’s time for divorce.
Of course, there is always a belief that everything will work out, but the problems are too serious to be solved one day in a magical way. You will have to work on them long and hard without any guarantees to get a result.
Therefore, a divorce is not such a bad idea, many spouses have significantly improved the level of their lives after termination. And if the question became acute, then the best solution would be to get an uncontested divorce without any dramas, tantrums or lengthy legal proceedings.
Most likely your marriage was far from the best, but this is not a reason take everything out on your partner during a divorce. Just thank him for all the good things that happened between you and make a peaceful dissolution.