Updated on January 11th, 2019
Beginning a relationship is generally the easy part; it’s maintaining the connection that gets a little tricky. That’s why a growing number of twosomes are going into couples therapy as a preemptive strike against the tough times that will inevitably hit…and to learn how to keep the good times flowing.
To give you a leg up in your love life, we asked the country’s top relationship experts to share the most crucial things they’ve uncovered over the years — from big-picture philosophies to little gestures that go a long way.
These days, more and more happy couples are seeing counselors to keep their unions humming along. Here, the country’s top love experts offer up their best relationship advice for couples.
1. Take stock of what is truly important in your life.
How would you spend your time if you had six months to live? How would you think about you relationship differently?
2. Accept compromise and tolerate the persistent differences.
Most happy couples learn to live with significant differences about money, in-laws, vacations, household chores, etc. Acknowledging the differences between the two of you does not have to mean you agree with them.
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3. Identify and separate your frustrations.
Frustrations come from many sources, work, children, school etc. Frustrations can come from the present and the past. Avoid dumping frustrations on your partner that belong somewhere else.
4. Catch your partner doing something right.
Look for partner behaviors that are pleasing, and compliment our partner when he or she does them.
5. Research consistently shows that touching more creates a stronger bond by releasing oxytocin.
Hold hands, rub shoulders, hug, kiss, give high-fives or even fist-bumps or bottom pats. When you give a quick hug or kiss, try to lengthen it to at least 5 or 10 seconds for more effective results!
6. Learn how to agree to disagree.
No two people agree on everything, and that’s okay, but it’s important to be okay with each other’s differences.
7. Sometimes it’s not about the amount of money you spend on a gift; it’s about the thought that goes into something.
Take the time to write a thoughtful note every so often saying what you love and appreciate about him/her. Drop it in his/her briefcase or purse so he/she will find it unexpectedly and it will brighten up his/her day.
8. For men, it’s important to understand that women want to be listened to.
Men don’t need to solve or fix everything; listening itself is an exceptional gift. For women, it’s important to understand that men need time for themselves. By giving him space to pull away and not taking it personally, you allow him to reconnect with his desire for you and his commitment to the relationship.
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9. Surprise your partner with thoughtfulness.
Use your knowledge of your partner to please him or her unexpectedly. Allow your partner to discover your thoughtfulness by her or himself. Curb your disappointment if your partner misses your effort. Try something else.
10. Carve out “couple time” your partner will enjoy.
Our busy lives often fill up with tasks. Take time to spend with your partner.
11. Before reacting angrily, count to ten.
This old adage actually works. Speak your point, but without the anger. Every expression of negative emotion requires five expressions of positive emotion to regain a position of neutral feeling. (For more, click on “Emotional Freedom Techniques®”)
12. Negotiate an unconventional place to discuss contentious issues.
Moving from your usual location of arguments to another room can shift your disagreements enough to reduce negative feelings and introduce new ideas.
13. Love your marriage by first taking care of yourself.
So many of my patients say the reason their marriage fell apart is that they became depressed and disinterested in their partner. If you keep working on you, your marriage will stay fresh and vital. Start today by adding a new wedding vow to your list: Promise to take care of yourself so you will continue to age with grace and confidence by your partner’s side.
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14. Recognize that your husband or wife is mirroring back to you who you are.
So take whatever you’re upset with him/her about and use it to help yourself look squarely at what you need to do in order to grow and evolve—the relationship will thrive!
15. Take time to have some fun together every day!
With today’s hectic schedules, it’s easy to find your marriage at the bottom of the priority list. Take a walk and hold hands (nature calms), couple-cook (food fight!), exercise together (tennis or dancing maybe?) or just collect a “Daily Joke” to share. It doesn’t have to be expensive, but if you make the commitment and effort to laugh together as often as possible, it can sweeten your connection and cement your relationship for life.
16. Before you get mad or assign blame, take a breath and ask your partner for his or her perspective.
For instance, it’s your spouse’s job to walk the dog in the morning, but you discover dog poop on the kitchen floor and cleaning it up makes you late for work. Instead of immediately placing blame, saying something like, “I’m puzzled about what happened with Spot this morning,” is a gentle way to start a conversation.
17. Make a list of three of the happiest moments in your marriage.
Spend a few minutes each day briefly reliving those moments in your mind. The results will amaze you.
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18. You can change your relationship for the better by increasing the use of the following statements
I love you”, “I’m here for you”, “I understand”, “I’m sorry”, “Thank you”, “I really appreciate all that you do”, “It’s so nice to see you”, “That was quite an accomplishment!
19. Appreciate your partner at least five times each day.
Appreciate them from your heart about who they are at their essence. Leave gratitude in love notes, hide them so they will find them, or look deeply into their eyes and tell them. Be creative!
20. Take a time out.
When issues get heated, politely announce a twenty-minute time out and then return with a calm tone and the intention to compromise.
21. When you know you have made a mistake, apologize.
Few of us live closely with a partner without making some mistakes. Admit your fault, say your sorry, and explore ways of avoid the mistake in the future.
Listen with Your Heart
22. Provide support, solutions are secondary.
Feeling attached is a strong binding force in a relationship. Many partners seek to relieve the frustrations of daily life by sharing them with a partner. Really listening fosters togetherness. Many of us impatient listeners try to shorten the process by offering solutions before our partner is ready to hear them. Listen first. If a solution occurs to you say, “When you are ready, dear, I have a solution that might be helpful to you.” When your partner is ready, she or he will be more open to your idea.
23. Deeply listen to your partner.
On an issue that is important to your partner, repeat your partner’s words so that he or she knows you are really listening. Keep this up and when your partner is finished, say the three most challenging words in a relationship, “Is there more?” Continue listening until your partner can answer “No” to this question. This is difficult to do but is can go a long way to strengthening your relationship.
24. Compliment your spouse everyday!
A compliment is a sign of acknowledgment and appreciation. Make an effort to affirm your spouse’s value in life, and in love.
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25. Create a clear vision of your shared future together.
Sit down, listen to each other and write out how you want your future as a couple to look. It’s much easier to create your best relationship together if both people’s needs are voiced, heard and supported by their partner.
26. Censor every impulse to blame or criticize your partner.
Do everything you can to support your partner’s well-being, and respect your partner as you would your best friend.
27. You need to date your mate.
Date night is sacred and special and should be on the same day of the week every week. One week the wife should suggest the date idea and the husband should come up with the date night plan for the opposite week. This encourages both the husband and wife to be invested in date night.
28. One of the most important factors in a good marriage is respect.
Respect each other, avoid verbal abuse, and keep insults to yourself. Bad words are just like squeezing toothpaste out of its tube — once it is out you can never get it back in again. – Georgia Panayi, MBA
29. Set aside 10 minutes a day to talk to your partner.
Ask what her favorite movie is and why, ask him to recall a happy memory from childhood, ask her what she’d like to be remembered for, ask him to name the three worst songs of all time. Do it at dinner, before bed, or anytime—as long as you do it for 10 minutes every day. This simple change infuses relationships with new life.
30. A strong marriage is a partnership in trust.
Trust your partner in everything, including purchases and financial decisions, and to bring up things with you that need a joint decision. If you can’t do that, the two of you have a problem.
Let’s find out what other people have to say about best relationship advice for couples on Quora :
You aren’t meant for each other. You aren’t meant for anyone else. Your love life is what you make it. So rather than look for the perfect person, take conflict resolution, improve, and take financial management classes; that way you can optimize the relationships you have. Read more here… By William Beteet
The best relationship advice that I have received is from my aunt (buaji). She says, ‘play in a marriage with the intention of playing with your partner and not against him. When you both play together, your marriage wins. Read more here… By Surabhi Surendra
Relationships can be a tricky thing; love, as I say all the time, is not a perfect science. It does not thrive on specific logic or reason. With that said, there are certain concepts you should develop a thorough understanding of to not only open yourself up to love, but to attract the kind of person you are hoping will walk into your life. Read more here… By Lauren Ramesbottom
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Nate Bagley , A single guy who quit his job and spent the last year crossing the country, interviewing over 100 of America’s most amazing couples about what it’s like to be in love. Read more here… By Rahul R
He gave me an awesome analogy: Imagine that you are a fisherman, the most interesting part in the fishing is when you tried to get a catch, choose what is the bait, when to pull and when to let the fish moves free. You will be extremely happy when you get the catch. But, when you have already gotten the catch, what are you going to do with it is going to determine the fate of you and your catch. Read more here… By Agung Purnomo Sendy
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She may not be perfect. But why should that matter to you? After all, it’s her imperfections that made her breathtakingly unique and mind-bogglingly gorgeous in the first place. After all, it’s what you will remember her, for life. Read more here… By Ishan Rana
Know who you are and what you want. When dating or thinking about starting a serious relationship, find someone who loves you for exactly who you are today and not on the promise or expectation of who you will be tomorrow. Read more here… By Shawna Leady
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She boarded the bus and she went. I realized my mistake and I helped her get things done at the new place and in making it a good trip. When she returned, she was a new girl, more confident, more enthusiastic and more loving. Read more here… By Vichitra Zawar
No two people are made for each other. In life, you make for each other. You make TIME for each other. Especially those couple of minutes during the busiest days. Read more here… By Mohak Juneja
When someone tells you that they don’t deserve you, they actually do not. Not because they said it but because they’re making an excuse to not be with you which actually proves their point. Read more here… By Akshat Mathur
Someone once told me that a relationship is like a fart. If you have to force it, it’s probably shit. What he meant was that if your relationship is not effortless, it’s not worth it. Never be in a relationship just because you are too scared to leave. Read more here… By Shraiya Malik
More often a blind trust is highly risky and should not be kept on a person without the other one earning it from you. This is a very important and crucial step in the initial period of a budding relationship. If you skip this step, it will definitely lead to a lot of problems later on. Read more here… By Mugesh Sg
It’s about a 45-minute read, which is nearly on par with a short book. At nearly 9,000 words, it might be the longest blog post I’ve ever read. But it’s also one of the best. Read more here… By Alykhan Gulamali
On his deathbed, I whispered to my grandfather that I’d asked my then-girlfriend to marry me. He smiled, and gripped my hand, knowing that the rest of the family was still in the dark about this news. Read more here… By Tom Jackson
You know what the relationship we have is our first baby. It’s growing.It will slip manytimes before it could start walking properly. When it slips we should be the one to help it stand up and make it walk again like a parent. It doesn’t matter who picks it up,but our baby should be just fine, like our parents did to us when we were kids.I just thought this way about our relationship and felt like sharing it with you. Read more here… By Hem Anand
YOU need to trust him coz a relationship without trust is like a car without gas, you can stay in it as long as you want but it won’t go anywhere. Read more here… By Abhinay Bagaria
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Don’t flee the relationship, but sit down and think about whether you can carry on choosing to be in love. I used the present tense for a reason; love is a choice, and it’s one that you’ll have to make every day, especially when everything isn’t so fresh and the hormones don’t get released as often as once did. Read more here… By Sahil Handa
Relationships need effort. Real big effort. Almost all the time. If you come across a super-happy couple and wonder how the two of them are clicking so good, there’s just two possibilities: either they’re very new to the relationship (like last week new) or they are working hard every moment to keep each other happy. Read more here… By Rakshita Nagayach
source : quora.com, relationship-therapy-milwaukee.com, yourtango.com