Published on November 13th, 2019
1. What Did The Traffic Light Say To The Car?
Don’t look! I’m about to change.
2. Have You Heard About The Corduroy Pillow?
No? Really? It’s making headlines!
3. Why Do Chicken Coups Always Have Two Doors?
With four, they’d be chicken sedans.
4. What Do You Call A Pony With A Cough?
A little hoarse.
5. Why Did The Cookie Go To The Hospital?
Because he felt crummy
7. What Do You Do If Someone Thinks An Onion Is The Only Food That Can Make Them Cry?
Throw a coconut at their face.
8. What Did The Cop Say To His Stomach?
Stop! I’ve got you under a vest!
9. What Do You Call A Snowman On A Hot Day?
10. What Do You Do When You See A Spaceman?
Park your car, man.
11. What Did One Toilet Say To The Other Toilet?
You look flushed
12. What Do Lawyers Wear To Court?
13. Why Is There A Gate Around Cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get in!
14 Why Wouldn’t The Shrimp Share His Treasure?
Because he was a little shellfish
15. What Do You Do With Epileptic Lettuce?
Make a seizure salad.
16. Who Do Call When The Ocean Needs A Little Cleaning?
A mermaid, of course.
17 Why Was The Baby Strawberry Crying?
Because his mom and dad were in a jam.
18 Why Shouldn’t You Write With A Broken Pencil?
Because it’s pointless.
19. Why Was The Poor Guy Selling Yeast?
To raise some dough.
20. What’s A Firefly’s Favorite Game?
21. Why Did The Man Put His Money In The Freezer?
He wanted cold hard cash!
22. How Much Does A Pirate Pay For Corn?
23. What Did The Judge Say When The Skunk Walked In The Court Room?
Odor in the court.
24. Did You Hear About That Wedding?
It was in-tents.
25. How Did Darth Vader Know What Luke Got Him For Christmas?
He could feel his presents.
26. How Do You Make A Tissue Dance?
Put a little boogey in it!
27. What Do Baby Kangaroos Wear When It’s Cold Out?
28. What Kind Of Music To Chiropractors Listen To?
29. What Do You Call A Belt With A Watch On It?
A waist of time
30. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A nervous wreck
31. Which Plant Rules The Garden?
32. I Just Wrote A Book On Reverse Psychology.
Do not read it!
33. What Do Clouds Wear Under Their Shorts?
34. Why Wouldn’t The Shrimp Share His Treasure?
Because he was a little shellfish.
35.Why Did The Man With One Hand Cross The Road?
To get to the second hand shop.
36.Why Do Fish Live In Salt Water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze!
40. Why Is England The Wettest Country?
Because the queen has reigned there for years!
41. What Does A Farmer Say After Feeding A Stick Of Dynamite To His Steer?
42.Why Did The Computer Go To The Doctor?
Because it had a virus!
43.What Happened To The Dog That Swallowed A Firefly?
It barked with de-light!
44.What Did The Traffic Light Say To The Car?
Don’t look, I’m about to change!
45.Who Earns A Living Driving Their Customers Away?
A taxi driver
46.What Did Winnie The Pooh Say To His Agent?
Show me the honey!
47.Why Did The Girl Smear Peanut Butter On The Road?
To go with the traffic jam!
48.Why Couldn’t The Pirate Play Cards?
Because he was sitting on the deck!
49.What Did One Elevator Say To The Other Elevator?
I think I’m coming down with something!
50. What Do You Call The Security Guards Who Work At The Samsung Store?
Guardians of the Galaxy.