Jokes

50 Worst Ever Bar Jokes That You Will Die Laughing

50 Worst Ever Bar Jokes That You Will Die Laughing

April 21st, 2021   |   Updated on May 2nd, 2021

1. Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”

 

2. Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar?

-Because she heard the drinks were on the house.

Bartender

 

3. The past, present, and future walk into a bar…

It was tense.

 

4. A hamburger walks into a bar.

The bartender says, “I’m sorry. We don’t serve food here.”

 

5. The NSA Walks into a bar.

“Hey, I’ve got a great new joke for you!” the barman says.

The NSA smiles. “Heard it.”

 

6. What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work?

A stick.

 

7. What do you call a guy who’s had too much to drink?

A cab.

Drinking Beer

 

8. A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink, but the bartender yells at him to get out before he stinks up the place.The mushroom looks taken aback and says, “Why?

I’m a fun guy.”

 

9. I heard a joke about chocolate bars and it wasn’t that funny.

So I just snickered…

 

10. A crab walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a pint please, but if I’m not satisfied with it, I’d like to be compensated with ten bottles of champagne.”

The bartender says, “Why the big clause?”

 

11. Descartes walked into a bar and ordered a beer. “Want another?”

asked the bartender. “I think not”, Descartes replied … then he disappeared.

 

12. A blind man walks into a bar.

And a table. And a door. And a staircase.

 

13. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”

 

14. I’ve reached the age where my prescription bill has caught up to my bar bill.

 

15. A Roman walks into a bar He holds up two fingers and says

“give me five beers.”

 

16. The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar…

It was tense.

The Past And Present

17. Two men walked into a bar and one man asked for H20 and the other man asked for H20 too.

Only one man came out alive.

 

18. E-flat walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve minors.

 

19. Helen Keller walked into a bar. And a chair. And a table. And a wall.

 

20. Two jumper cables walk into a bar. One of them says “We’d like a couple of beers, please.”

The bartender says “Okay, but don’t start anything.”

 

21. A panda, a cowboy, a man with a cat on his shoulder, and a time-traveler walk into a bar.

“What is this,” the bartender yells, “some kind of joke?”

 

22. A broke guy walks past a pub. He looks at the door longingly, but since he has no money, he walks on.

Just then, he spots a lamp lying in…

 

23. What’s the number one pick up line at a gay bar?

“May I push your stool in?”

Gay Bar

 

24. A penguin walks into a bar. The bartender says, “So what will it be this time?”

The penguin doesn’t answer because it’s a penguin.

 

25. Two men walk into a bar you’d think the second one would’ve seen it.

 

26. A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.

 

27. “Visit me for three days a week at $300 a visit, and you’ll be cured,” the psychiatrist assures him.

The price tag is a little rich for the patient, so…

 

28. A bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here!”

A time traveler walks into a bar.

Time Traveller

29. A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Wow I’ve never served a weasel before, what can I get you?”

“Pop”, goes the weasel.

 

30. A guy was in a bar drinking beer. He would finish his beer, pull out his wallet and look at a picture of his wife.

order another beer take out…

 

31. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks,

“Is the bar tender here?”

 

32. A horse walks into a bar. The shocked bartender points a finger his way in alarm and yells,

“Hey!”

The horse says, “You read my mind, buddy.”

 

33. Why did the chicken cross the road?

Because he was poultry in motion.

 

34. A Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his dick.

The Bartender asks him why And the Pirate says: Argh, It’s driving me nuts.

 

35. A sandwich walks into a bar. The landlord says, “Sorry sir,

we don’t serve food here.”

 

36. An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, tavern, public house,

Irish pub, drinks, beer, alcohol

 

37. A Horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave,

realizing the potential danger in the situation.

 

38. This grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Hey! We have a drink named after you!”

The grasshopper replies, “Really? You have a drink named Steve?!”

 

39. What’s Homer Simpson’s least favorite style of beer?

Flanders Red Ale.

 

40. A man walks into a bar owned by horses.

The bartender says, “Why the short face?”

 

41. What’s a shepherd’s favorite style of beer?

Lambic.

 

42. A jumper cable walked into a bar.

The bartender said, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything!”

Bartender

43. A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar.

No joke.

 

44. What’s a composer’s favorite style of beer?

Bock.

 

45. Man walks up to a priest. The man says “I am Jesus Christ.” The priest says “No you are not my son.” The man says ” Follow me.” The man walks into the bar and the bartender says

“Jesus Christ your back!”

 

46. A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting.

With a cute little sentence fragment.

 

47. What’s a pharmacist’s favorite style of beer?

Pilsner. -By Sam Benson Smith

 

48. Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?

So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!

 

49. Two scientists walk into a bar. One says, “I’ll have an H2O please”

The second scientist says, “I’ll have an H2O too.” The second scientist died.

 

50. The barman says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.”

A time traveler walks into a bar.