April 21st, 2021 | Updated on May 2nd, 2021
1. Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”
2. Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar?
-Because she heard the drinks were on the house.
3. The past, present, and future walk into a bar…
It was tense.
4. A hamburger walks into a bar.
The bartender says, “I’m sorry. We don’t serve food here.”
5. The NSA Walks into a bar.
“Hey, I’ve got a great new joke for you!” the barman says.
The NSA smiles. “Heard it.”
6. What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t work?
7. What do you call a guy who’s had too much to drink?
8. A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink, but the bartender yells at him to get out before he stinks up the place.The mushroom looks taken aback and says, “Why?
I’m a fun guy.”
9. I heard a joke about chocolate bars and it wasn’t that funny.
So I just snickered…
10. A crab walks into a bar and says, “I’ll have a pint please, but if I’m not satisfied with it, I’d like to be compensated with ten bottles of champagne.”
The bartender says, “Why the big clause?”
11. Descartes walked into a bar and ordered a beer. “Want another?”
asked the bartender. “I think not”, Descartes replied … then he disappeared.
12. A blind man walks into a bar.
And a table. And a door. And a staircase.
13. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
14. I’ve reached the age where my prescription bill has caught up to my bar bill.
15. A Roman walks into a bar He holds up two fingers and says
“give me five beers.”
16. The past, the present, and the future walk into a bar…
It was tense.
17. Two men walked into a bar and one man asked for H20 and the other man asked for H20 too.
Only one man came out alive.
18. E-flat walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve minors.
19. Helen Keller walked into a bar. And a chair. And a table. And a wall.
20. Two jumper cables walk into a bar. One of them says “We’d like a couple of beers, please.”
The bartender says “Okay, but don’t start anything.”
21. A panda, a cowboy, a man with a cat on his shoulder, and a time-traveler walk into a bar.
“What is this,” the bartender yells, “some kind of joke?”
22. A broke guy walks past a pub. He looks at the door longingly, but since he has no money, he walks on.
Just then, he spots a lamp lying in…
23. What’s the number one pick up line at a gay bar?
“May I push your stool in?”
24. A penguin walks into a bar. The bartender says, “So what will it be this time?”
The penguin doesn’t answer because it’s a penguin.
25. Two men walk into a bar you’d think the second one would’ve seen it.
26. A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.
27. “Visit me for three days a week at $300 a visit, and you’ll be cured,” the psychiatrist assures him.
The price tag is a little rich for the patient, so…
28. A bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here!”
A time traveler walks into a bar.
29. A weasel walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Wow I’ve never served a weasel before, what can I get you?”
“Pop”, goes the weasel.
30. A guy was in a bar drinking beer. He would finish his beer, pull out his wallet and look at a picture of his wife.
order another beer take out…
31. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks,
“Is the bar tender here?”
32. A horse walks into a bar. The shocked bartender points a finger his way in alarm and yells,
The horse says, “You read my mind, buddy.”
33. Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he was poultry in motion.
34. A Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his dick.
The Bartender asks him why And the Pirate says: Argh, It’s driving me nuts.
35. A sandwich walks into a bar. The landlord says, “Sorry sir,
we don’t serve food here.”
36. An SEO expert walks into a bar, bars, pub, tavern, public house,
Irish pub, drinks, beer, alcohol
37. A Horse walks into a bar. Several people get up and leave,
realizing the potential danger in the situation.
38. This grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Hey! We have a drink named after you!”
The grasshopper replies, “Really? You have a drink named Steve?!”
39. What’s Homer Simpson’s least favorite style of beer?
Flanders Red Ale.
40. A man walks into a bar owned by horses.
The bartender says, “Why the short face?”
41. What’s a shepherd’s favorite style of beer?
42. A jumper cable walked into a bar.
The bartender said, “I’ll serve you, but don’t start anything!”
43. A pun, a play on words, and a limerick walk into a bar.
44. What’s a composer’s favorite style of beer?
45. Man walks up to a priest. The man says “I am Jesus Christ.” The priest says “No you are not my son.” The man says ” Follow me.” The man walks into the bar and the bartender says
“Jesus Christ your back!”
46. A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting.
With a cute little sentence fragment.
47. What’s a pharmacist’s favorite style of beer?
Pilsner. -By Sam Benson Smith
48. Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?
So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!
49. Two scientists walk into a bar. One says, “I’ll have an H2O please”
The second scientist says, “I’ll have an H2O too.” The second scientist died.