April 22nd, 2021 | Updated on May 1st, 2021
1. If it weren’t for C, we’d all be programming in BASI and OBOL.
2. What does a baby computer call his father?
3. Why did Wi-Fi and the computer get married?
Because they had a connection
4. There are 10 types of people in the world:
those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
5. What do you call a computer superhero?
A Screen Saver
6. The oldest computer can be traced back to Adam and Eve. It was an apple but with extremely limited memory.
Just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
7. Computers make very fast,
very accurate mistakes.
8. Why did the computer cross the road?
To get a byte to eat
9. What did Stephen Hawking say when his computer crashed?
10. An SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables.
It approaches, and asks “may I join you?”
11. Who chases computer criminals?
12. Why don’t orphans work as computer repair technicians?
Because they can’t find the motherboard
13. Why is it that programmers always confuse Halloween with Christmas?
Because 31 OCT = 25 DEC.
14. What do you get if you cross a computer with an elephant?
Lots of Memory
15. Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked if he wanted to upgrade to Windows 10.
He replied, “I still love Vista, baby”.
16. How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None. It’s a hardware problem.
17. What do you get when you cross a dog and a computer?
A machine that has a bark worse than its byte
18. The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve. It was an Apple with limited memory, just one byte.
And then everything crashed.
19. “I’m not interrupting you, I’m putting our conversation in full-duplex mode.” -Antone Roundy
20. Why was the computer so angry?
Because it had a chip on its shoulder
21. How did the computer get out of the house?
He used windows.
22. The programmer got stuck in the shower because the instructions on the shampoo bottle said:
Lather, Rinse, Repeat.
23. Why did the computer get glasses?
To improve its websight
24. Where did the software developer go?!
I don’t know, he ransomware!
25. A programmer’s wife tells him, “While you’re at the grocery store, buy some eggs.”
He never comes back.
26. I started a band called 999 megabytes…
we still haven’t gotten a gig
27. What is the biggest lie in the entire universe?
“I have read and agree to the Terms and Conditions.”
28. Where do computers go to dance?
29. What did the processor say when it was being overclocked?
“Stop it! It hertz so much!”
30. Why did the computer sneeze?
It had a virus
31. What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he’s hooked up to?
-The computer runs.
32. What happens when a computer thinks it knows better than a human?
33. I love the smell of my F5 key.
-It’s very refreshing.
34. A cop pulls over Werner Heisenberg and says, “Sir, do you know how fast you were going?”
Heisenberg responds, “NO, but I know EXACTLY where I am.”
35. Why was there a bug in the computer?
Because it was looking for a byte to eat
36. Why couldn’t the dinosaur play games on the computer?
Because he ate the mouse
37. Why did the computer squeak?
Because someone stepped on its mouse
38. Why can you never trust spiders?
Because they post stuff on the web
39. What happened when the computer geeks met?
It was love at first site
40. How are elephants and computers similar?
They both have large memories
41. What type of a computer does a horse like to eat?
42. What did the dentist say to the computer?
This won’t hurt a byte
43. What’s a computer geek’s favorite snack?
44. What did mommy spider say to baby spider?
You spend too much time on the web
45. Why can’t computers play tennis?
They try to surf the net
46. Where do computers keep their money?
In a data bank
47. What is an alien’s favorite place on a computer?
The space bar
48. What did the computer do at lunchtime?
Had a byte
49. What did the spider do on the computer?
Made a website