Jokes

50 Funniest Golf Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

50 Funniest Golf Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Published on April 20th, 2021

1. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly… or start cheating.

 

2. Golf is enjoyable like Eggs: Golf balls are like eggs. They’re white, sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to buy some more.

 

3. What should you do if your round of golf is interrupted by a lightning storm?

Walk around holding your 1-iron above your head, because even Mother Nature can’t hit a 1-iron.

 

4. What’s the easiest shot in golf?

Your fourth putt.

 

5. A classic: Why do golfers always carry a spare pair of trousers with them? In case they get a hole in one.

 

6. After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18th.

He looked at his caddie and said, “I’ve played so badly all day, I think I’m going to drown myself in that lake.”

The caddie, quick as a flash, replied, “I’m not sure you could keep your head down that long.”

 

7. The fisherman: What is the difference between a golfer and a fisherman? When a golfer lies, he doesn’t have to bring anything home to prove it.

 

8. Where can you find 100 doctors all at the same place on any given day?

A golf course!

 

9. Marriage Made with a Long Putt : You spend too much time thinking about golf! Do you even remember the day we got married? Of course I do! It was the same day I sank that 45-foot putt.

 

10. What is the difference between a golfer and a fisherman?

When a golfer lies, he doesn’t have to bring anything home to prove it.

 

11. Golf is what you play when you’re too out of shape to play baseball.

 

12. A golfer standing at a tee overlooking a river sees a couple of fishermen and says to his partner,

“Look at those two idiots fishing in the rain.”

 

13. Why do golfers hate cake?

Because they might get a slice.

 

14. If you golf on election day, make sure to cast an absent-tee-ballot.

 

15. Golfer to caddie: “Why do you keep looking at your watch? I find it very distracting.”

Caddie: “It’s not a watch, sir – it’s a compass.”

 

16. The problem with slow groups is that they are always in front of you, and the fast groups are always behind you.

 

17. When is it too wet to play golf?

When your golf cart capsizes.

 

18. One day a player asked his coach: “What is going wrong with my game?”

“You’re standing too close to the ball after you’ve hit it.”

 

19. What is a golfer’s favorite bird?

Any birdie will do.

 

20. Lighting Strike: What should you do if your round of golf is interrupted by a lightning storm?

Walk around holding your 1-iron above your head, because even Mother Nature can’t hit a 1-iron.

 

21. How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb?

Fore.

 

22. Why do golfers always carry a spare pair of trousers with them?

In case they get a hole in one.

 

23. The man who takes up golf to get his mind off his work soon takes up work to get his mind off golf.

 

24. What is a golfer’s worst nightmare?

The Bogeyman.

 

25. What are a golfer’s favorite flowers?

Fore-get Me Nots.

 

26. Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night?

Clubbing.

 

27. What is a golfer’s favorite dance move?

The Bogey.

 

28. “I once played a course that was so tough, I lost two balls in the ball washer!”

 

29. In primitive society, when native tribes beat the ground with clubs and yelled, it was called witchcraft; today, in civilized society, it is called golf.

 

30. The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often.

 

31. An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice … once before swinging, and once again, after swinging.

 

32. Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh.

 

33. Golf is a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.

 

34. There’s no game like golf: you go out with three friends, play eighteen holes, and return with three enemies.

 

35. Golf got its name because all of the other four-letter words were taken.

 

36. Why didn’t the golfer get his homework done?
He was puttering around.

 

37. Fairway: An unfamiliar tract of closely mowed grass running from the tee to the green. Your ball is usually found immediately to the left or right of it.

 

38. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.

 

39. What else are doctors good at besides there occupation: Where can you find 100 doctors all at the same place on any given day? A golf course!!”

 

40. What Is Links Golf?
Fergus Bisset considers links golf courses and the…

 

41. Did you know this About Scottish People: Do you know why there are 18 holes on a golf course? Because that’s how long it took the Scotts who invented the game to finish their bottle of whiskey!

 

42. If you do find that you do not mind playing golf in the rain, the snow, even during a hurricane, here’s a valuable tip: Your life is in trouble.

 

43. Golfers who try to make everything perfect before taking the shot, rarely make the perfect shot.

 

44. “I wish I could play my normal game… just once.”

 

45. The term “mulligan” is really a contraction of the phrase “maul-it-again.”

 

46. A “gimme” can best be defined as an agreement between two golfers…neither of whom can putt very well.

 

47. Golf’s a hard game to figure. One day you’ll go out and slice it and shank it, hit into all the traps, and miss every green. The next day you go out and, for no reason at all, you really stink.

 

48. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it is always possible to get worse.

 

49. If your best shots are the practice swing and the “gimme putt”, you might want to reconsider this game.

 

50. Golf is like marriage: If you take yourself too seriously it won’t work… and both are expensive.