Jokes

60 Best Pirate Jokes That Will Make You Laugh

Pirate Jokes

Published on April 13th, 2021

1. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?

The letter RRRRRRR!

 

2. Why are pirates pirates?

Because they Arrrrrrgh!

3. What do you call a pirate that skips class?

Captain Hooky.

 

4. A pirate goes to the doctor to have the spots on his arm examined. The doctor says: “They’re benign.”

The pirate replies: “no, no doc, there be 11. I counted them before I came here.”

 

5. What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?

A nervous wreck.

 

6. Where did Bluebeard the pirate get his name?

One day, the sea the wind came and blew his beard right off!

 

7. Why couldn’t the pirate crew play cards?

Because the captain was standing on the deck!

 

8. Why can’t pirates learn the alphabet?

Because they spend years at “C”!

 

9. What’s the best name for a pirate dog?

Patches!

 

10. What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer?

A pirate buries his treasure, but a cranberry farmer treasures his berries.

 

11. How do you make a pirate very angry?

You take away the “p”.

 

12. What’s a pirate’s worst enemy?

Termites

 

13. What did the pirate say when he became an octogenarian?

Aye matey years old!

 

14. What did the first mate send down the toilet?

The Captain’s log!

 

15. How do pirates prefer to communicate?

Aye to aye

 

16. Where can you find a pirate who has lost his wooden legs?

Right where ye left him

 

17. How do you save a dying pirate?

CPARRRRR

 

18. How do pirates know that they are pirates?

They think, therefore they ARRRR!

 

19. Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank?

Because they’ll just wash up on shore later

 

20. Why is pirating so addictive?

They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked.

 

21. What kind of grades did the pirate get in school?

High Cs

 

22. Where do pirates keep their valuables?

In a jarrrrr

 

23. What do you call a pirate with both eyes and all his limbs?

A rookie

 

24. What does the pirate say when his leg gets stuck in the freezer?

Shiver me timbers

 

25. Why’d the pirate join Gold’s Gym?

To improve his booty

 

26. How did the pirate get his Jolly Roger so cheap?

He bought it on sail

 

27. How do you turn a pirate furious?

Take away the “p.”

 

28. What did the ocean say to the pirate?

Nothing, it just waved

 

29. What’s the difference between a hungry pirate and a drunken pirate?

One has a rumbling tummy, and the other’s a tumbling rummy.

 

30. What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?

8 pirates

 

31. What does a dyslexic pirate say?

RRRRRRA!

 

32. How much did the pirate pay for his piercings?

A buck-an-ear.

 

33. What’s a pirate’s least favorite veggie?

Leeks

 

34. Why do pirates bury their treasure 18 inches under the ground?

Because booty is only shin deep

 

35. Why did the pirate go on vacation?

He needed a little arrrrg and arrrg

 

36. Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?

Because they can spend years at C

 

37. Why’d the pirate go to the Apple store?

He needed a new ipatch

 

38. What’s a pirate’s favorite exercise?

The plank!

 

39. What’s the name of the world’s most frugal pirate?

Barry D. Treasure

 

40. Why does the pirate carry his sword?

Because swords can’t walk. Duh

 

41. How much did the pirate pay for his peg and hook?

An arm and a leg

 

42. What’s a pirate use his cell phone for?

Booty calls

 

43. Where do pirates go for a drink?

The sandbar

 

44. What do you call a stupid pirate?

The pillage idiot

 

45. Why did nobody want to play cards with the pirate?

Because he was standing on the deck.

 

46. What’s a pirates favorite part of a song?

The hook!

 

47. What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of fish?

Swordfish

 

48. What did the pirate wear on Halloween?

A pumpkin patch.

 

49. Why type of socks do pirates wear?

Arrrrgyle

 

50. What do you call a pirate with no arms and no legs?

An expert pirate

 

51. What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of food?

BARRRR-B-Q!

 

52. How much does it cost for a Pirate to get his ears pierced?

Bout a Buccaneerrrrr( buck an ear)

 

53. What do you call a pirate who likes to skip school?

Captain Hooky!

 

54. “What do you call a pirate who steals from the rich and gives to the poor?

Robin Hook

 

55. What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea?

He got marooned

 

56. Why don’t pirates go to strip clubs?

Because they already have all the booty!

 

57. Why did the pirate cross the road?

To get to the second-hand shop

 

58.  What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?

I, I, R, and the seven C’s!

 

59. How do you make a pirate furious?

Take away the p.

 

60. What do you call a pirate with 2 arms and 2 legs?

A beginner.