April 17th, 2021 | Updated on February 18th, 2022
1. How does Harry Potter get rid of a rash?
With quit-itch.
2. Why does Voldemort prefer Twitter to Facebook?
Because he only has followers, not friends. Check out some more silly jokes about computers and technology.
3. How many Slytherins does it take to stir a cauldron?
Just one. She puts her wand in and the cauldron revolves around her.
4. Why is Mad-Eye Moody such a bad teacher?
Because he can’t control his pupils. The good news is, you don’t need a teacher to find the Harry Potter constellations in the sky.
5. Why does Voldemort prefer Twitter over Facebook?
Because he has only followers, not friends.
6. Chapter Two: Harry Potter and the Pub-Joke Prince
The barman says, “We don’t serve time-travelers here.”
7. Hermione walks into a pub with a Time-Turner. Here are some more funny bar jokes anyone can remember.
8. If a wizard gets robbed by a Muggle, has he been Muggled?
Two Hungarian Horntails walk into a pub…
The first one says, “Sure is hot in here.”
The second one snaps back, “Shut your mouth!”
9. What do you call an electrocuted Dark Lord?
A Volt-demort.
A Muggle walks into the Hog’s Head Inn…
…with a frog on his shoulder. The barkeep says, “That’s pretty cool, where’d you get it?”
“London,” the frog croaks. “They’ve got millions of ‘em!”
10. Why is Mad-Eye Moody such a bad professor?
Because he can’t control his pupils.
11. What do you call a wizard with his hand in a thestral’s mouth?
A mechanic.
12. I must have had some Felix Felicis, because I think I’m about to get lucky.
13. Why does Professor Snape stand in the middle of the road?
So you’ll never know which side he’s on. Do you know the hidden meaning of Snape’s first words to Harry?
14. Which side of a centaur has more hair?
The outside.
15. Do you like Harry Potter?
Because I a-Dumbledore you!
16. why does harry potter need glasses. there’s no spell to fix his eyes?
I don’t care btw
17. Are you a Dementor?
You just took my breath away.
18. Why does Voldemort love Nagini so much?
Because she gives him hugs and hisses. Fans of these punny Harry Potter jokes will love these corny jokes to give everyone a laugh.
19. Why did Severus Snape stand in the middle of the road?
So you’d never know which side he was on.
20. Why is herbology Slytherin students’ favorite class?
Because it’s in the greenhouse.
21. Hows does Voldemort enter a room?
He slithers in.
22. How does Harry’s monthly grocery basket take next to no time when ordering online?
Prior-In-Cart-Item.
23. Why doesn’t snape teach herbology?
Because his lily died.
24. Yo mamma has such a sweet tooth, her Patronus is a cake.
25. Why did Harry Potter throw away all his old potions?
They were past their hexpiration date!
26. How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
Walking. J/K, rolling.
27. Why did Harry Potter get pulled over for speeding?
Because he didn’t expect-no-patrol-man.
28. How does Harry Potter enter a room?
Through the Gryffin-door.
29. How many Purebloods does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
What’s a lightbulb?
30. How many Harry Potters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. He holds it and the world revolves around him.
31. How many Muggles does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One. It is the only thing they are good for.
32. How many wizards does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two. One to hold the bulb. One to rotate the room.
33. I love Harry Potter, but after re-reading the chapter “The Deathday Party,” I realized something about Nearly Headless Nick.
He was a very poorly executed character.
34. Why did Barty Crouch Jr. quit drinking?
Because it was making him Moody.
35. Why did the protons vote for Harry Potter to be president?
Because they didn’t want to elect Ron.
36. On a scale of one to 10, how obsessed with the Harry Potter Series am I?
Nine and three quarters.
37. Do you like Harry Potter?
Because I a-Dumbledore you!
38. How much does it cost to watch Harry Potter play his favorite sport?
A quid each.
39. I found the first four Harry Potter books to be quite light-hearted.
The fifth one was dead Sirius.
40. Why couldn’t Harry find Hermione?
He was looking in all the Ron places.
41. What do you call the entrance to a magical gym?
A dumbbell door.
42. How do Death Eaters freshen their breath?
With Dementos.
43. Why doesn’t Voldemort have glasses?
Nobody nose.
44. What did the comedian say to Harry Potter?
“Why so Sirius?”
45. Why was Harry Potter sent to the office?
Because he was cursing in class.
46. If Hermione was a mathematician what would her kids be named?
Hermitwo and Hermithree.
47. What’s the difference between Harry Potter and a spelling bee contestant?
One conjures spells and the other spells conjure.
48. Why doesn’t Hermione keep her money at Gringotts?
Offshore investment gains a better return.
49. Ron lives a long, happy life and then dies. What does he reincarnate as?
A neuron.
