50 Fucked Up Jokes For Fucked Up People

Fucked up Jokes

April 13th, 2021   |   Updated on March 8th, 2022

There’s nothing funnier than fucked-up jokes. They’re the kind that leave you in stitches within seconds! But be warned – they’re not for the faint of heart. If you’re looking for a laugh that’s sure to make your sides hurt, then these are the jokes for you!

When you think of the most hilarious jokes, these fucked-up jokes probably be at the top. But if they’re too graphic for work or anywhere else where there is impressionable youth around then please keep them to yourself!

You know that feeling when you tell a dirty joke and it feels so right? You can’t help but laugh because there is nothing else like this in your life. The person next to you bursts out laughing too, even if they were trying not to make sound at all by covering their mouth with one hand while discreetly wiping away tears from the other side of their face (you do them).

It’s an amazing release after days spent worrying over work or being etiquette around irritable customers who constantly interrupt each other during meetings – then suddenly everything makes sense again; those moments where we’re free.

The jokes in this collection are so amazing that they will blow your mind! They are sure to make you laugh and entertain you. So, don’t miss out on these great fucked-up jokes and enjoy them today.

Fucked-Up Jokes

1. After death, what is the only organ in the female body which remains warm?

My penis.


2. How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?

He forgot to wrap his Whopper


3. What do you call a man who cries while he pleasures himself?

A tearjerker


4. What do you call a little boy with no arms and no legs?



5. What is the difference between Michael Jackson and a grocery bag?

One is made of plastic and is dangerous for children to play with. The other is used to carry groceries


6. What’s worse than waking up at a party and finding a penis drawn on your face?

Finding out it was traced


7. Say what you want about pedophiles.

But at least they drive slow through the school zones


8. Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?

They couldn’t close his casket


9. I asked my wife why she never blinked during foreplay.

She said she didn’t have time

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10. What is the best part of a blowjob?

Ten minutes of peace and quiet.


11. I’ve been taking Viagra for my sunburn.

It doesn’t cure it, but it keeps the sheets off my legs


12. What’s does Donald Trump’s hair and a thong have in common?

They both barely cover the asshole.


13. What’s the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player?

A hockey player showers after 3 periods


14. What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

She gagged


15. My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time having sex.

I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came


16. Why isn’t there a pregnant Barbie doll?

Ken came in another box


17. What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?

Acne usually comes on a boys face after he turns 12


18. What do you call a teenage boy who doesn’t masturbate?

A liar.


19. How is pubic hair like parsley?

You push it to the side before you start eating


20. What do pimps and farmers have in common?

They both need a hoe to stay in business.


21. What do a pizza boy and a gynecologists’ have in common?

They both smell it but they can’t eat it.


22. Why do men always give their jackets to their women when they are cold?

Who wants a blowjob from a woman who is shaking with her teeth?


23. How is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping?

You’re dead if the rubber breaks.


24. Real men don’t wear pink.

They eat it

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25. Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners?

Because he can’t do stand up.


26. How did the leper hockey game end?

There was a face off in the corner.


27. I added Paul walker on Xbox.

But he spends all his time on the dashboard


28. How is virginity like a soap bubble?

One prick and it is gone


29. How are women like swimming pools?

They cost a great deal of money to maintain considering the time you spend inside.


30. What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?



31. What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students?

A PDF File


32. How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.


33. Why are women like KFC?

After you’ve finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.


34. How many Emo kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None, they all sit in the dark and cry.


35. What do girls and noodles have in common?

They both wiggle when you eat them.


36. What does tofu and a dildo have in common?

They’re both meat substitutes


37. Why is being in the military like a blow-job?

The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.


38. What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

Wiped his ass


39. A daughter asked her mother, “Mom, how do you spell ‘scrotum’?

Her mom replied, “Honey, you should have asked me last night—it was on the tip of my tongue.”


40. Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex.

They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.


41. Did you hear about the blind prostitute?

Well, you got to hand it to her


42. What does a woman’s pussy and a chainsaw have in common?

Miss by few inches and you’re in deep shit.


43.What do you call a cheap circumcision?

A rip off


44. Why do women always have sex with the lights off?

Because they never like to see a man having a good time


45. What did the elephant say to the naked man?

How do you breathe through that tiny thing?


46. I hope Death is a woman.

That way it will never come for me


47. What do you call a deaf gynecologist?

A lip reader.


48. What’s the difference between a joke and two dicks?

You can’t take a joke


49. What was David Bowie’s last hit?

Probably heroin

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