Published on April 20th, 2021
1. Why is it sad that parallel lines have so much in common?
Because they’ll never meet.
2. What can be right, but never wrong?
3. What did the triangle say to the circle?
“You’re pointless.” -Katie, age 8
4. Why should you never mention the number 288?
Because it’s “two” gross.
5. How can you make seven even?
Take away the ‘s’.
6. My math teacher has a piece of graph paper.
I think he must be plotting something!
7. Why couldn’t the angle get a loan?
Its parents wouldn’t cosine.
8. Which snakes are best at doing sums?
9. Why was six afraid of seven? “Because seven, eight, nine!”
—Hudson, age 6
10. Why do plants hate math?
Because it gives them square roots.
11. What did the zero say to the eight?
12. What are ten things you can always count on?
13. Why did the student get upset when his teacher called him average?
It was a mean thing to say!
14. Who do geometry teachers like to hang out with?
A small circle of friends.
15. Are monsters good at math?
“No, unless you Count Dracula.” -Thomas, age 9
16. Did you hear that old math teachers never die?
They just lose some of their functions.
17. What do you call an empty parrot cage?
18. Why didn’t the quarter roll down the road with the nickel?
Because it had more cents!
19. How do you keep warm in a cold room?
You go to the corner. It’s always 90 degrees!
20. Why can’t your nose be twelve inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
21. Why do teenagers always travel in groups of three, five, or seven?
Because they can’t even!
22. What did one math book say to the other?
Don’t bother me. I’ve got my own problems!
23. If two is company, and three is a crowd, what are four and five?
24. Which king loved fractions?
Henry the eighth.
25. Why is the obtuse triangle always upset?
Because it is never right!
26. Why did the student get upset when her teacher called her average?
It was a ‘mean’ thing to say.
27. A farmer counted 396 cows in his field.
But when he rounded them up, he had 400.
28. Which sea creature can add up?
29. Why was the math book crying?
“Because it had so many problems.” -Suzie, age 5
30. What did the acorn say when it grew up?
Ge-om-e-try! (Gee, I’m a tree!)
31. Why can’t you trust mathematicians?
A. Their loyalties are divided.
32. Which snakes are good at math?
“Adders.” —Ben, age 4
33. Teacher: Why are you turning in a blank sheet of paper?
Student: Because all my answers are imaginary numbers.
34. Why is six afraid of seven?
Because seven ate nine!
35. Why is the obtuse triangle always upset?
Because it’s never right!
36. Student One: I saw my math teacher with a piece of graph paper yesterday.
Student Two: She must be plotting something.
37. What do you call a missing octopus?
38. What do you call a man who spent all summer at the beach?
A tangent. (A tan gent.)
39. What is a math teacher’s favorite snake?
40. What makes arithmetic hard work?
All those numbers you have to carry.
41. If I had six oranges in one hand and four apples in the other hand what would I have?
Really big hands!
42. Who invented arithmetic?
Henry the 1/8.
43. Did you hear about the tree growing outside the maths classroom?
It grew square roots.
44. Why did the two fours skip lunch?
Because they already 8!
45. Why was the maths book sad?
Because it had too many problems.
46. Which knight created the round table?
“Sir Cumference!” -Zayed, age 10
47. What do you get when you take the sun and divide its circumference by its diameter?
Pi in the sky.
48. How many apples can you put in an empty box?
One. After that, it’s not empty any more.
49. What do you call a number that just can’t stand still?
A “roamin’” numeral.