Published on April 17th, 2021
1. How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
2. “Are you going to come along quietly, or do you want musical accompaniment?”
3. How many concertmasters does it take to change a light bulb?
Just one, but it takes four movements.
4. “I wrote a song, but I can’t read music so I don’t know what it is.”
5. Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?
He was playing by ear.
6. “I play all the right notes, but not necessarily in the right order.”
7. Why is a piano so hard to open?
Because the keys are on the inside.
8. “The first time I sang in the church choir, 200 people changed their religion.”
9. What type of music are balloons afraid of?
10. “I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.”
11. What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
12. “When she started to play, Steinway came down personally and rubbed his name off the piano.”
13. Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.
14. “If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.”
15. Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.
16. “There’s more evil in the pop charts than an Al Qaida suggestion box.”
17. What kind of musical instrument do rats play?
18. “Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.”
19. What do you call a musical insect?
20. “My favourite band is called Cockles And Mussels. I saw them alive alive-o in concert.”
21. Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.
22. “Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.”
23. What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.
24. “I went to a record store and asked for 50 Cent, they kicked me out for panhandling.”
25. What makes songs, but never sings?
26. “I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.”
Dave Lee Roth, Van Halen
27. Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair with her rollerblades on?
Because she wanted to rock and roll.
28. “Not seeing my physician for 20 years was one of those phobias that really didn’t pay off.”
29. Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.
30. “Australia’s gift to insomniacs… the blonde singing the bland.”
31. What’s big and grey with horns?
An elephant marching band.
32. “All music is folk music. I ain’t never heard a horse sing a song.”
33. Which elf was the best singer?
34. “I don’t have a drinking problem, ’cept when I can’t get a drink.”
35. What kind of music do bunnies like?
36. “If you wanted to torture me, you’d tie me down and force me to watch our first five videos.”
Jon Bon Jovi
37. What is a skeleton’s favorite instrument?
38. “I don’t perform… seals perform.”
39. Why did Mozart get rid of his chickens?
They kept saying, “Bach, Bach, Bach!”
40. “For Lent, I’ve given up music… there is a God.”
41. Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
She broke the record.
42. “Get up from that piano. You hurtin’ its feelings.”
Jelly Roll Morton
43. What makes music on your head?
44. “I met her in the museum of palaeontology. And I make no bones about it.”
45. What part of the turkey is musical?
46. “In the 60s, the record companies seemed to sign anything with long hair; if it was a sheepdog, so what?”
47. What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
48. “We only knew four chords, but we arranged them pretty well.”
Lemmy, on Hawkwind
49. What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.