April 18th, 2021 | Updated on December 13th, 2021
1. What do you call stoned Mexicans?
Baked beans.
2. Guy staring at an ambulance in front of Whole Foods:
“Somebody must have accidentally eaten gluten.”
3. What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasto.
4. Why did the can crusher quit his job?
Because it was soda pressing.
5. What has T in the beginning, T in the middle, and T at the end?
A teapot.
6. What did the baby corn say to its mom?
Where’s my popcorn.
7. What is a tree’s favorite soda?
Root Beer.
8. Why couldn’t the sesame seed leave the gambling casino?
Because he was on a roll.
9. What do you call a baptized Mexican?
Bean dip.
10. Why doesn’t McDonald’s serve escargot?
It’s not fast food!
11. What does a nosey pepper do?
Gets jalapeno business.
12. Did you hear how they caught the great produce bandit?
He stopped to take a leek.
13. What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
14. My neighbor texted me, “I just made synonym buns!”
I texted back, “You mean like grammar use to make?” I haven’t heard from her since.
15. When potatoes have babies, what are they called?
Tater tots.
16. Which dessert is perfect for eating in bed?
A sheet cake.
17. How much room is needed for fungi to grow?
As mushroom as possible
18. How fast is milk?
It’s pasteurized before you know it.
19. What happened after an explosion at a French cheese factory?
All that was left was de brie.
20. How do you make an apple turnover?
Push it downhill.
21. Why did the butcher work extra hours at the shop?
To make ends meat
22. What’s better than a good friend?
A good friend with chocolate.
23. Why couldn’t the sesame seed leave the casino?
He was on a roll!
24. What kind of socks do you need to plant asparagus?
Garden hose.
25. Who’s a dessert’s favorite actor?
Robert Brownie, Jr.
26. If you have 13 apples in one hand and 10 oranges in the other, what do you have?
Big hands.
27. Why did the skeleton go to the barbecue?
To get another rib.
28. When do you go at red and stop at green?
When you’re eating a watermelon.
29. Why do the French eat snails?
They don’t like fast food.
30. What did the pecan say to the walnut?
We’re friends because we’re both nuts.
31. What do cats eat for breakfast?
Mice Krispies.
32. What do you call cheese that is sad?
Blue cheese.
33. Where did the broccoli go to have a few drinks?
The salad bar.
34. What do you call blueberries playing the guitar?
A jam session.
35. How come oysters never donate to charity?
Because they are shellfish.
36. What did one blueberry say to the other blueberry?
If you weren’t so sweet, we wouldn’t be in this jam.
37. Did you hear about the carrot detective?
He got to the root of every case.
38. What do you call cheese that is not yours?
Nacho cheese.
39. What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish?
A crab apple!
40.Did you see the movie about the hot dog?
It was an Oscar wiener.
41. What do you call a sad coffee?
Depressor.
42. Wanna hear a joke about pizza?
Never mind it’s too cheesy.
43. What did the hot dog say when his friend passed him in the race?
Wow, I relish the fact that you’ve mustard the strength to ketchup to me.
44. Which thrill ride does a wine glass love to go on the most?
A coaster!
45. What kind of key opens a banana?
A monkey.
46. How do you keep intruders out of a castle made of cheese?
Mattarella.
47. What’s a shark’s favorite sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish!
48. Why did the apple run away?
Because the banana split!
49. Did you hear the one about the guy who invented Tic Tics?
They say he made a mint.
