Published on April 13th, 2021
1.What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
2.How did the blonde break her leg raking leaves?
She fell out of the tree.
3.Why didn’t 19 blondes go into a bar?
The sign said 21+
4.Why do blondes drive BMWs?
Because they can spell it.
5.What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde’s head?
A Space Invader.
6.Why does it take longer to build a blonde snowman?
You have to hollow out the head.
7.Why did the blonde climb the glass wall?
To see what was on the other side.
8.Did you hear about the near‑tragedy at the mall?
There was a power outage and eight blondes were stuck on the escalators for more than four hours.
9.Why was the blonde staring at a bottle of orange juice?
Because it said concentrate.
10.What do you call an intelligent blonde?
A golden retriever!
11.Why couldn’t the blonde add 10 and seven on a calculator?
She couldn’t find the 10 key
12.Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, “It’s dark in here isn’t it?”
The other replied, “I don’t know; I can’t see.”
13.What did the blonde say when she saw a box of Cheerios?
“Wow! Doughnut seeds!”
14.What’s it called when a blonde dyes her hair brown?
15.What do blondes do when their laptop freezes?
16.Why couldn’t the blonde write the number 11?
She couldn’t figure out which number came first.
17.How can you make a blonde go to the roof?
Tell her that drinks are on the house.
18.A blonde calls an airline and asks, “How long are your flights from America to the U.K.?”
The woman on the other end of the phone says, “Just a minute…” The blonde says, “Thanks!” and hangs up the phone.
19.Why did the blonde think she was a genius after completing her jigsaw puzzle?
The box said “for two to five years” and it only took her one.
20.A blonde walks into a hospital and claims that everywhere she touches hurts…
The doctor says, “Ma’am, you have a broken finger.”
21.How do you keep at blonde at home?
You build a circular driveway.
22.Why do blondes like lightning?
They think someone is taking their picture.
23.How does a blonde brain cell die?
24.Did you hear about the blonde who bought an AM radio?
It took her months to figure out she could use it at night.
25.How do you make a blonde’s eyes light up?
Shine a flashlight in her ears.
26.Why do blondes wear so much hair spray?
So they can catch all the things that go over their head.
27.How do you keep a blonde in the shower all day?
You give them a shampoo that says “rinse, wash, and repeat.”
28.A blonde asked her coworker, “Do you have any kids?”
“Yes,” she replied. “I have one child that’s just under two.”
The blonde said, “I might be blonde, but I know how many one is.”
29.How do you make a blonde laugh on Saturday?
You tell her a joke on Wednesday
30.Why are blonde jokes so short?
So they can remember them.
31.Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing out all the ‘W’s.
32.Blonde: “What does IDK mean?”
Brunette: “I don’t know.”
Blonde: “OMG, nobody does!”
33.Why do blondes tip-toe past medicine cabinets?
So they don’t wake up the sleeping pills.
34.Why do blondes hold their hands tightly over their ears?
Because they’re desperately trying to hold in a thought.
35.Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
She was desperately trying to make up her mind.
36. Why’d the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
She kept throwing out all the W’s.
37.Why couldn’t the blonde dial 911?
She couldn’t find the eleven.
38.Why did the blonde put condoms on her ears?
To avoid getting hearing AIDS.
39.Why do blondes make awful bank robbers?
Because they tie up the safe and blow the guards.
40.What do blondes and dog shit have in common?
The older they get, the easier it is to pick them up.
41.How do you confuse a blonde?
You don’t. They’re born that way.
42.What do screen doors and blondes have in common?
The more you bang them, the looser they get.
43.What do blondes do when their laptop freezes?
44.What do you call a blond with an actual brain?
A golden retriever.
45.What’s the difference between a pregnant blonde and a lightbulb?
You can unscrew a lightbulb.
46.Why did the blonde bring a ladder to the bar?
Someone told her drinks were on the house.
47.Why do blondes stare at orange juice containers for hours on end?
Because they say “concentrate.”
48.What do the Bermuda Triangle and a blonde have in common?
They both swallow a lot of sea men (aka semen).
49.Why don’t blondes talk during sex?
Their moms taught them never to speak to strangers.
50. What did the blonde say after glimpsing a box of Cheerios?
“OMG! Donut seeds!”
51.Why did the blonde get so excited about finishing a jigsaw puzzle in six months?
Because the box said it was for “2 to 4 years.”
52. What did the blonde say after glimpsing a box of Cheerios?
“OMG! Donut seeds!”
53.What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
“I wonder if it’s mine.”
54.Why do blondes love boob jobs?
It’s really the only job they’re qualified for.